Saturday, June 10, 2006

Playing with Pascha

We have footie, meine Damen und Herren. Host Germany prevailed over Costa Rica despite two goals from Tico superstar Paulo "Episode Four: A New" Wanchope. My man Torsten Frings got one in garbage time, too, to seal the deal. Afterwards, German fans no doubt flocked to Pascha--a twelve story bordello in aromatic Cologne, where all tastes are catered to with ruthless German expediency. Fred Smoot would LOVE this place, obvs. Pascha even boasts a floor services entirely by transsexuals.

Think of Pascha as a WalMart where the greeters fuck you. And aren't eighty years old. And you find out later, some of them have cocks.

In the other match, Ecuador beat The White Stripes favorite team, Poland 2-0, with Ecuador basically getting goals against the run of play. Toward the end, two Pole shots struck metal. Daniel Powter sang them off.

Anyway, tomorrow, at 9am, England plays Paraguay to open Group B. If you know people from England, this is the time where, every four years, they start speaking wistfully and incomprehensibly, staring into the middle distance, acting very French to be honest. Full of hope and loathing, they are positively Rod Soxian in their demeanor. Hugh T. Owen dropped by here earlier to leave a message that requires either an actual Babelfish or a good English-to-English dictionary to fully understand. I hope old Blighty wins this one, otherwise Alex Strain will be inconsolable at rehearsal tomorrow.

Meanwhile, in Dortmund, at the creatively named Fee-Fah World Cup Stadium, the other team I back, Sweden, will be unleashing the Stockholm Syndrome upon little old Trinidad and Tobago. I admire plucky old TNT, but the Gevalia drinking Swedes should throttle them if they have half a mind. I'll say this, though, when all is said and done, Trinidad and Tobago will go home as one country, which is more than can be said for Serbia and Montenegro.

Argentina plays tomorrow, as well, and is it just me, or do the Argentines want to be the Italians so bad you can taste it. They are almost as moist. You know, as more and more greenhouse gases leach into the atmosphere, the resultant global warming threatens the unique moistness of the Argentinian people. That's just an inconvenient truth. They'll be playing, and likely killing, the Cote D'Ivoire.

1 comment:

PK said...

Wow. What a performance by TnT! And the local tie is Howard University's very own Shaka Hislop - who led the school to the 1988 (no, that's not a typo - yes, that was the decade that brought you Duran Duran and hostile takeovers) National Championship game.

And don't count the Ivory Coast out. All but one of their players plays club ball in Europe, including a couple of little-known outfits like Chelsea, Arsenal, and PSG. They could give Argentina a match.