Tuesday, June 13, 2006

A second opinion: US Soccer Federation wrote Czechs that the team couldn't cash?

It's been a while since we've heard from our dear friend Travis, but his decidedly specific take on the state of U.S. Soccer is worth publishing.

U Suck Asses were toyed with -- ridiculed, mocked. The Czech Republicans were absolutely gracious, but they weren't having any fun out there -- they faced a team of ego-stroked pansy-faced pussies playing amateur night football: an infantile, Agoos-esque slopfest -- leaving front of goal constantly open, Keller and the Beeze totally burned and out of place (overrated much?) and poor strategies all the way around -- this was not a Czech win, so much as a complete USA loss.....they deserved it -- they sucked whore cunt. The result would have been better if Arena had placed 11 ficus plants at random points around the pitch for Nedved and his plucky band of lovelies to dribble through.

It was my impression that the stupid lifeless shitfests US logged in the lead up games were vanilla ruses to distract the opposition. Everyone's bitching about the defense, but those fuckface midfielders produced a sparkless offense -- if you can call it that -- too. Absolutely no touch, no finesse, no swagger, just lazy, aimless, disorganized slop. Their unfocused passes were intercepted constantly, and no one wanted the ball. There was no foresight or strategy anywhere to be found. Arena looked like a whiny ass soccer mom on the sidelines -- Claudio's S.O.G. was a pinprick of light shining through the fucking AIDS quilt. Convey had ONE decent cross in 90 minutes. Johnson was the only one actually working for a living but his efforts came much too late to mean anything. There used to be guys named Landon Donovon and Brian McBride on our team too, but I think they overslept and missed the bus to the stadium.

Let's face it: I knew we were going to lose this match -- the pregame egocentricity was shallow and disingenuous -- but no one expected it to be such barrel bottom scraping futility, such noxious-gaseousness shoved into the loyal fans' maws. It was a complete embarrassment from the opening touch.....So, my prediction: Italia and Ghana beat the shit out of us too and we go home with hanging heads and lots of excuses and nada, zilch, kaputo else to show for it -- and another four years go by -- Keller, Reyna, McBride, five or six others are outta there -- and the US team sinks into even further mediocrity (don't tell me we're biding our time for the Adu Era -- he'll probably want to go play for Ghana after today....)

.....meanwhile, four years from now the United States won't even be a world power anymore let alone a soccer one.....this was their shot -- they wasted their fans' money and set the program back fifty years with that outing.....everyone wonders why soccer isn't more popular in the States? The minute expectations get high enough for the casual fan to pay attention, the team lays an egg that shit-stained and everyone loses interest again. Who wants to root for that?

Also meanwhile, Ben Rothelisberger's agent scores a coup, getting his client to drive headfirst into an oncoming car to avoid US Soccer's suckfest nabbing the top sports headlines for the day. What a country.
Well, maybe if our economy goes in the toilet, America can get good at soccer the way the Brazilians did--by being too fucking destitute to play with anything other than a sweatsock stuffed with newspapers!


jordan said...

just watched last night's daily show, who noted the USA vs. Czech Republic match by showing clips from the Rodney Dangerfield classic Ladybugs.

PK said...

Meh. Here's my analysis of the game, with just a little less hyperbole than Travis' version...

1) We got schooled by a really fucking good soccer team. Rosicky and Nedved were sublime. Grygera owned the wing, and we were lucky Koller left early because he's a really difficult matchup, even for our relatively big and strong defenders.

2) I think Arena made several strategic errors in preparing for this game. The most important one was playing Donovan at forward. Nobody else on our team, with O'Brien not himself anymore, strikes fear in defenders running at them with the ball. Claudio is a fine player, but not a creative offensive threat and certainly not quick enough to scare anybody at this stage of his career. Anyway, Landon is useless as a target man; he needs to have the ball. Our setup effectively took him out of the game.

The other strategic mistake was not playing enough "real" defenders. I thought it was a terrible move to take Cherundolo out and go to three guys across the back. Gooch and Pope did fine - contrary to others' opinions on this blog, Koller's goal was the result of excellent buildup, not (just) poor marking.

3) Finally, several/most of the US players came out flat. Beasley shouldn't be on the field - something has happened to his confidence, and you know, I feel bad for the dude but this isn't a charity event. Get him out of there. He's been showing those same jitters in every warmup game, so it should be no surprise that he sucked. That would make room to bring Donovan back into midfield and put Eddie J. in at forward, pairing with McBride.

Several other players looked just as uncomfortable. Lewis, Convey, Mastroeni, O'Brien, and McBride all had moments of OKness punctuated by uncertainty and uncreative passing. (It's especially disappointing with O'Brien, because he's usually a creative attacker, but he just looks like he doesn't feel healthy.) Reyna, Cherundolo, and Donovan played fine - to tell the truth Donovan looked affected by not getting enough touches, but was STILL the most feared US player on the field - but none of those players was in a role to really help us. You canNOT win a World Cup game with Reyna and Mastroeni as your starting pair in central midfield. SOMEBODY has to play some offense. And Convey and Beasley (if he ever gets back on the field) have to step it up if we're going to win.

Anyway, the point is that it was an embarassing game, but all of travis' predictions about the coming end of days for US soccer are a little silly. I'd bet that Arena is going to do some of the things I mentioned (move Donovan back into midfield, start Eddie Johnson, sit Beasley and/or Mastroeni) and we won't look as bad in the next game. All is not lost when you lose your first World Cup match, but you'd better take the opportunity to make adjustments. I still trust Bruce, even though his decisions in this first game really backfired.

The Analyzer said...

Here's a good article about how american fans feel about the team.


Pretty Good