DCist brings you the official be-all, end-all Butterstick Birthday celebration tonight at the Mambo Room. Owing to a Memorandum we've received, the DCeiver will not be able to attend. But the need for your attendance is great, because it is tonight that we begin the Butterstick Liberation Front. We have 365 days to come up with a cogent plan for keeping the Stick on these shores, rather than sending him to China. My idea: get Christopher Hitchens wasted, sew him up in a panda costume with 50 pounds of sawdust* and ship his ass on the slow-boat, Jack Bauer-stizz!
*I'm guessing that this sort of environment is indistinguishable from a typical hungover Hitchens morning, especially if Hitchens manages to copiously piss himself during the night, as I suspect he does.