Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Bush's "three Shakespeares"...REVEALED!!

As you may know by now, during a testy (as in, "TESS-TEE!") interview with Brian Williams, the President is said to have recently finished "three Shakespeares." To which a nation of millions retorted: "'Sblood! Mine ASS thou hast!" But it's true, it's true! And we know which ones!

1. The back of the DVD box for She's The Man.
This was done in the hopes that a playdate might get set up between Amanda Bynes and Pierce, but since the high school cross-dresser comedy is, well, LOOSELY based on Twelfth Night, we say if awkward collegiate horniness be the fruit of exposing Bush to reading beyond the second grade level, PLAY ON, MOTHERFUCKER!

2. A brochure from Jesse Shakespeare's hottub emporium.
Ol' Jesse's been installing hottubs and spa equipment in the Kennebunkport area since Dubya was knee-high to a bloated body floating in New Orleans floodwater!

3. An impassioned dubious email from an even more dubiously named "Ndogo Spearshaker", manager of the bill and exchange of the foreign remittance department of the African Development Bank.
The letter beseeched the President: "In my department we discovered an abandoned sum of $15m US dollars in an account that belongs to one of our foreign customer who died along with his entire family in November 2002 in a plane crash. Unfortunately we learnt that all his supposed next of kin or relation died alongside with him at the plane crash leaving nobody behind for the claim. It is therefore upon this discovery that I and other officials in my department now decided to make this business proposal to you and release the money to you as the next of kin or relation to the deceased for safety and subsequent disbursement since we don't want this money to go into the Bank treasury as unclaimed Bill."

Bush read the letter in earnest, remarking: "See, now here's a chance for me to do something good for those Macacas!"

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