Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Lonny Baxter is Stupid.

In news that's bound to put a smirk on your face, former Maryland basketball player Lonny Baxter was arrested early this morning by the Secret Service after he apparently discharged two rounds from a handgun within two blocks of the White House. It's surprising behavior, especially when you consider the fact that Baxter graduated from that fine research institution known as the University of Maryland. Of course, he's a basketball player, so maybe he didn't graduate...but it's nevertheless very likely he knows or at least at one point stood in the same room as someone who did. You'd think that the research skills you receive from Maryland might lead one to conclude, or at least make the educated guess, that shooting a gun near the White House is frowned upon by polite society.

Anyway, we don't know why Baxter is cruising around popping caps at Washington, DC late at night. He plays for basketball powerhouse Montepaschi Siena in Italy, so, what is there to be mad about? It couldn't possibly be the fact that Jared Jeffries is getting paid the tall dollars to play for the Knicks! I'm sure that Baxter recalls the NCAA Championship he won and knows full well that Jeffries is NBA dynamite.

Gee, shouldn't Baxter be working hard to get in shape so he can lead his team to the Italian championship where the grand prize is a bowl of spaghetti or something? That comes with spicy meeta-ball? Come on, Lonny, I thought Coach Williams, like, prepared you for life and shit. Say, what was your major again?


The Governess said...

Lonny Baxter was the son my mother never had, even though I have brother. This has been a terrible morning for her. Gun violence shatters many families.

Why are you trying to break her heart with these vicious statements, DCeiver???? WHY??????

She's taken the day off of work to recover and slobber all over her collection of 2002 memorabilia, dreaming of better days. It's okay, I won't tell her of these hurtful words you write.

Thehairyape said...

Lonny Baxter is stupid, but come on. Jefferies will be the next "most over paid craptastic bust" employed by the New York Knicks. Being the best defensive player on the Wizards means little more than you can run backwards. That bowl of spaghetti plays better D.

Dont forget about ( The Woodpecker, the most Dceiverist play ever.

reyonthehill said...

Not only is shooting a gun near the White House "frowned upon," apparently it is illegal too.

Washington Cube said...

Give him some kuddos. At least we can assume he knows how to load a gun and pull the trigger. Maybe his major was Criminal Justice.

Anonymous said...

If "Bang Bang" Baxter graduated from UMD, Then why was he in one of my classes this summer??