Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Penetration of abstinence education still outpaced by, well...penetration.

Tracy: this is too, too rich.

Tracy: Canton, Ohio School Board expands "abstinence-only" sex ed curriculum after learning that one out of every seven female students (13%) at one high school is pregnant

Tracy: thought you'd get a kick out of this one.

DCeiver: Uhm, that's retarded.

Tracy: file it under "reap what you sow, motherfuckers"

DCeiver: Unless they're going to build a TIME MACHINE, it seems ridiculous to teach abstinence to girls who are already pregnant.

Tracy: well presumably it'll also reach the 87% who aren't pregnant

DCeiver: WHO DON'T DEMONSTRATE THE NEED FOR IT? DUH! That's MY MONEY they're pissing away!

Tracy: but it does have a bit of "closing the barn door when the cows have gone" to it.

Tracy: and they're actually canning the "abstinence only" route, since the results are apparently less than stellar.

DCeiver: Oh. Good. Still: The Kids of America need to send the government a memo:

"To Whom It May Concern:

Hi. You need to understand. Some of us like the fucking. We've developed a taste for the fucking. And yeah, we're going to keep doing the fucking.

Please note: we are aware that NOT FUCKING is an option.

But, look: you're the ones that made it possible for my seventy-year old grandfather to maintain a raging chub for an entire weekend.

Surely you didn't go to all that trouble so that he can reproduce. He's SEVENTY. His sperm are all, like...dessicated and shit, you know? Hobbling around on little mitochondrial crutches?

DO YOU GET IT ASSHOLE? MY GRANDFATHER LIKES TO SQUEEZE OFF A FEW LOADS OF DEAD SPERM NOW AND AGAIN.

It's only natural that we follow in the habits of our elders. Of course, you seem to think it's totally cool for septuagenerians to be shooting cum all around the neighborhood, but totally bad when we do it. What example, then, would you, like us to follow. Sorry. You have to CHOOSE.

Love,
The Kids."


Tracy: heh.

Tracy: i'd sign that.

DCeiver: I'd sign it with my FUCKING JIZZ, all right!

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

ICK.

A. L. Deviant said...

This made me snarf my coffee. Well played, DCeiver. Well PLAYED!

TC The Terrible said...

Priceless

autumn said...

i think you're forgetting that sex education isn't just about avoiding pregnacy. it's also trying not to jump into things that you just aren't ready for. i don't mean to ruin you're fun, but i just would like to think the youth today would want to be more than just a bunch of horndogs out to get their next big jizz off. i hope that someone will teach you all what kind of overall effects of giving yourself away for nothing but a good time and a time killer will have on your FEELINGS and mental state. please choose to love yourself, even if no one else does. (sorry for being so cheesy)