Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Pepsi Launches Santorum Soda

So, I tried this new Pepsi "Jazz" cola, specifically the Diet Black Cherry French Vanilla Adjective Encrusted variety. Suffice it to say, like most Pepsi products, it's pretty vile--all the notes are "spicy" when you just want them to settle down.

Like it matters. There's going to come a day when we might all realize that soda is about as tasty as malted battery acid. What's truly dubious about this soda is the packaging. There's something about the image on the label--with foamy brown liquid replete with bouncing cherries exploding out of some unseen sphincter that just says: "This is the most delicious rimjob EVAH!" The true historical triumph here, is that Pepsi may have finally found a way to carbonate goatse.cx effluvia.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Funny - but, would a rimjob result in said santorum? Technically, no, by definition on spreading santorum website.

DC1974 said...

Here's the deal though. Pepsi tastes better in a can. It just does. The aluminum helps balance the sweetness. Only by store brand soda in 2-liter bottles, because the bottle doesn't do anything to the flavor one way or the other. And so you might as well get your money's worth. Coke is best in glass. And downright awful in aluminum. If you're into cola products. For clear sodas, well that's another comment in and a half.
(By the way, the spicy sounds good. Reminds me of Like Cola -- which the internets has just told me was made by 7-up -- and the other spiced pop from my youth. I switched to the pop there because I'm a Chicagoan, and so when talking about carbonated beverages from the 1980s, it is necessary to refer to it as "pop.")

Awesome Comet said...

I have a weakness for trying every brand new beverege in the convenience aisle. I agree this tastes like dung. It's like they added so many different chemical flavorings that they all compost right in my mouth. In re all colas suck, I'll only allow that they've never improved on regular-ass Coke, which holds an addictive power rivaled only by McDonald's barbecue sauce.

Tristram said...

This crap tastes like Giant-brand diet cola with the sticky crap that forms on top of old, freezer-burnt ice cream and a used blow-pop stolen from a dead hooker.