Tuesday, October 31, 2006

100 Hours in Columbia Heights

From my perch on Columbia, the youth are clearly restless. You can witness first hand the schism in our country that's so apparent heading into next week's election day, as citizens debate the issues. In Columbia Heights, the two sides have defined their terms: one side stating, unequivocally, that "pubic hair is gross." The other side deftly counters: "You're just a trifling ass bitch!"

These are the issues of the day that divide us, and absent a Bob Scheiffer to sort out the dispute, one wonders: "What are our officials going to do to bring a polarized nation back together?" Is Adrian Fenty ready for this challenge? Is anyone?

Now more than ever before, we need leaders who can take charge and help us to understand that we are a nation of people who, from time to time, are all "trifling ass bitches." Even "nosy ass bitches." Yes...verily, "bitch ass bitches" as well. And the sun shall shine on all the bitches, just as surely as it will rain thereon. And while pubic hair may not seem like the most ideal genital flora, it's a damn sight better than anything anyone else has suggested. I dream of a nation of people that will help each other pick pubes out of each other's teeth, when necessary. That's fuckin' teamwork, people.

With a few muffled shouts and at least one quick backhand to the dome, the debaters move on, but the debate remains.

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