Monday, November 06, 2006

Moran For Congress is home to at least one complete asshole.

Today, when I returned home, I found what appeared to be a parking ticket on my car. Twas green, like a parking ticket, tucked up under the windscreen wiper, like a parking ticket, and it was sitting there, pissing me off, like a parking ticket. Tomorrow my little corner of the world plays host to a voter precinct location, so I'm primed for a lot of inane car moving. My first reaction, upon seeing the ticket, was: "OhhHHhHhh, HELL to the NO!"

My second reaction, was much much angrier. The "ticket" was actually a flyer from Moran for Congress. One side: "Your ticket..." The flip: "To a New Direction for America."

Leaving aside the fact that the only "New Direction" possible where Moran is concerned is for that diddly fuck jackass to have a meteorite fall on him so that someone new could be the Democratic nominee, this flyer was something I greeted with nothing short of white-hot ire. You see, where I live in Arlington, is where all the hoity-toit limousine liberal dickshits live. They were the first Arlingtonians to get their precious fucking speedbumps. They were the only Arlingtons to make an attempt to LITERALLY FOOL PEOPLE into taking a roundabout way from Lee Highway to Clarendon so that cars didn't PASS THROUGH THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD.

Those of us who live in our apartment complex (which is, itself, a very superb place to live) are constantly treated like second class citizens by the fucks in the neighborhood above. It manifests itself in a million tiny ways, but the largest issue is that of parking. They have gone out of their way to make it hard for us to park. We fought them tooth and nail to get a new parking lot built, and thank god we won. When I think of the diminished property values of the homes adjacent to the new parking lot, I dance a little jig. It makes me so happy! So happy! And I can't wait for it to be finished, so I can invite all my day laborer friends over to meet up with their employers. Yes, sir. I will be buying in the this neighborhood SOON ENOUGH, BITCHES.

In my neighborhood, no real scofflaw has ever gotten a parking ticket. They go to the renters. Always, always, always. The County even has some new parking signs that restrict six curbside spaces to two-hour increments on weekday afternoons during the months of June, July, August and half of September! I mean, WTF?

So, when Moran lays out his faux parking tickets in my hood, there aint no motherfucking joking around. It's a little message from a big asshole who's out of touch with his constituents. And, in so many words, that's what I told the person who answered the phone at Moran for Congress. I felt, at first, bad, that the poor volunteer had to get the brunt of what I was trying to communicate--but fuck it, I've been where she's sitting, and it's time for her to get fitted for some big boy pants. Hopefully, my request, which was for whatever incompetent jagoff who greenlit this fucking flyer to get in touch with me an arrange an appointment during which he/she will lovingly spongebath my ass like the chattel that they are.

Fuck Moran. And, you know what? Fuck Chris Zimmerman for contributing to the shit people in our apartment complex go through. Josh Ruebner: you just got my vote for Arlington County Council. Don't fuck it up. Jim Moran: I actually enjoy not voting for you. You never really had much of a chance. But, as Neo said to the Architect: "If I were you, I would hope that we don't meet again."

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Go Caps...but, if you don't mind taking a few minutes out of your day DCeiver, please give this blogging Caps fan a severe beat-down of a response here on your blog. He's endorsing George Allen! http://capsnut.blogspot.com/2006/11/annoy-media-vote-republican.html

Josh said...

The parking tickets (as campaign flyer) were a pure dick move and utterly pointless in blue-as-a-smurf Arlington. I almost ate mine in rage. Then I looked down the street, saw one of the glorious three story, two car garage, one foot of lawn on all sides micromansions with an Allen sign out front... there are worse ways to advertise out there.