Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Eric Wemple Apparently Has an Awesome Editorial Plan for The City Paper

Today, a little birdie sent me a note:

"But you are among the bloggers who Wemple assgined his reporters to 'out' you or uncover who you are...."
And, of course, I've also read this.

Now, I have no way of knowing if little birdie was offering a sincere warning or attempting to suss out whether I am Circumlocutor. I thoroughly and heartily approve of Circumlocutor. Whoever Circumlocutor is, remember: they, like me, are Time Magazine's Person of the Year! But, she-yit, people: I am not Circumlocutor.

At any rate, all I can say is: My good sweet God in Heaven, what an exercise for the editor of the City Paper to embark upon! One would think that editing Washington DC's premiere alternative weekly would be a full plate of work. One never knows what late breaking story about American University students pissing on each other might emerge near deadline, after all. Plus: all the advertisements for whores. Where will Wemple find the time to make like Encyclopedia Brown to dig up blogger identities?

It is almost as if he's operating under the principle that his shitty College Park article, his shitty Adams Morgan article, his shitty article about that hideously awful man trawling through bars looking for female accomplices to his own debasement, et al. were shitty only because of something some blogger did somewhere. Who does he have working this investigative assignment? Is this why Jason Cherkis hadn't turned in his music poll with twenty minutes before deadline? Could this blog obsession have interfered with Cherkis getting the message out about how much he hearts Deerhoof?!

Really: Zounds!

I'm afraid that I cannot cop to having anything at all to do with how any single City Paper issue or part thereof has been perceived by the general public. I ain't gonna front. We do not have that sort of power or influence. So, I hope, for the sake of all involved, that this hopelessly quixotic quest to ascertain the identities of people who aren't even remotely undermining you is just some "just talkin'" flotsam that's made it out into the open. Because the alternative is that Wemple and his fellows at the City Paper are deeply, unalterably stupid.

This I'll allow: if Stephanie Mencimer were to spend five minutes with me, I've no doubt she'd soon want to fling some poop. And I'm sure it would come from the heart.

The full, glorious Wonkette story is worth a read. I am quite sure, actually, that this mishegas has about as much to with me as it does with the Tamil fucking Tigers. Still, as a newly anointed Time Magazine Person of the Year, I believe it's important to give the people my take on the story as it is seen through MY prism. It's what the public demands, at least according to my imaginings.

Let me tell you though, when I read Murray Waas' account of how Wemple and Cherkis found an avenue to be demeaning within the context of Waas being a cancer survivor, I can report that the needle on my personal "Well, That Sure Came As A Surprise!-O-Meter" recorded NARY A TWITCH.

1 comment:

Rusty said...

When the WCP came after Circumlocutor,
I remained silent.
I was not Circumlocutor.

When the WCP came after DCeiver,
I remained silent.
I was not DCeiver.

When they came for me,
there was no one left to speak out.