Thursday, December 21, 2006

The Supreme Turkmen is Dead! Long live the supreme Turkmen!

We couldn't help but shed a tear for good old Sapurmurat Niyazov, the crazy-ass dictator of Turkmenistan, who apparently died sometime in the past few days. Niyazov, a.k.a. the Surpeme Turkmenbashi, Builder of the Neutrality Arch, author of the Ruhnama, and the great mind behind any number of "Wednesday Afternoon Edicts" that included such proposals as banning anyone with gold fillings from attending college to something called a National Omnipotence Day, was easily the kookiest motherfucker to ever lead a nation, to say nothing of the most egotistical--he easily rivaled and, indeed, bested Futurama's Bender during that fictional character's adventures on the Egyptian planet.

Turkmenistan will soon face having to install or choose a new leader. As far as we're concerned, there can be only one: Kriston Capps.


Just look at him. Now there is a leader of men, friends. Here's hoping we can hear some proposed Wednesday Afternoon Edicts, tout-suite.

1 comment:

Kanishka said...

Inshallah, President for Life-to-Be Cappseus will restore lip synching to the place of glory it once had in The Land of the Turkmen.