Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Joe Biden Takes Time Out From Announcing His Presidential Candidacy to Welcome Our Hearts-Conquering, Clean and Articulate, Negro Overlords.

Oh, my, but is Senator Joseph Biden a walking fountain of unchained dipshittery! As you know doubt know by now, Biden couldn't even get a few minutes INTO his 2008 presidential run without punching his ticket right back out of it. Speaking of fellow contender Barack Obama, the six-term Senator (D-Idiot) said:

“I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy. I mean, that’s a storybook, man.”
Oh? Is it a "storybook", man? Really? Really. Was it the storybook about how Jor-El, leader of the doomed planet Acknickulous IV sent his only son to Earth where he was thereupon adopted by Kenyan goatherds, C. Everett Koop, and the gay ghost of Bobby Kennedy who trained him to speak English and use Purel so that he could conquer our sagging, post 9-11 hearts with his unflagging biracial optimism and retina-scorching personal hygiene? Is that the storybook? You're not plagiarizing the storybook, are you Joe? Because you're such a nice-looking, clean, articulate guy, Joe. I'd hate to think that you'd stoop to plagiarizing something. Uhm...again, I mean.

Biden's offered up some weird, racially tinged goulash before, you know. Who can forget how he defended himself of the charge of being a "northeastern liberal" by feverishly pointing out that Delaware was a slave state! Ha-cha! He's no weak-willed Vermonter, no sir! Biden comes from a landed hereditary stock just alpha male enough to own slaves! I wonder if his state's tourism board experienced an uptick in phonecalls from people seeking out this "demi-paradise you call Delaware."

Obviously, Joe Biden meant to offer his fellow competitor for the Democratic nomination some measure of praise--the only people who can't see that are the ones who are too stupid to avoid getting mired in Iraq! There's no doubt that Biden surely would have added, "Barack Obama is living proof that the rum-slaves-tobacco trade triangle was totes worth it!" had he not been momentarily distracted at the sound of everyone in the room gasping as an actual turd wormed its way backward out his mouth just moments before.

Anyway, I'm off to update Obama's wiki entry, making note of his status as the "first ever clean black guy!"

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