Monday, February 19, 2007

The 24gasm: 3:00pm

  1. "We've been ambushed!" "I'll have a team there in ten minutes." And thus this episode opens with both it's traditional exclamation of the obvious and its most empty promise. That's two drinks right there. Plus, we're doing this semi-on time. So finish your beer. And don't spit it out like that pussy, Morris.
  2. Jesus! Why can't Marilyn run right? It's only her death that hangs in the balance, and here she is, barely scooting, and doing so like she's just wet her pants or something.
  3. Milo says, "They know we're here." Uhm, yeah. That's because you keep thrashing against metal stuff and saying things like, "They know we're here" out loud.
  4. You know, at this point, you have to chuckle to yourself everytime some low-rent henchman intones with breathless confidence that Jack is dead. Those that actually survive to tell the tale probably meet in a support group at some community college in Tarzana on Sunday nights to sink into a coma of bathos over cheap coffee and Merit Ultra Lights: "It took me six months before I realized that saying I'd left enough explosives to kill Bauer wasn't the first time I'd been caught kidding myself. I guess I've been kidding myself my whole life."
  5. That said, how sad is it to me immediately sized up as having "not much field experience" and, "sorta looks like the dude who played Gabriel Dimas in Six Feet Under" by the same third rate henchies. Yeah, yeah, if it seems that I'm having a hard time taking Milo seriously...
  6. "How could I have been so stupid?" Hey, hey...Truth or Consequences, NM wasn't a proud moment for anyone involved. Still...outside of that whole tackling the Christmas tree incident, no one doubts the choices you're making these days.
  7. I feel for Morris. Still, he's gone from being snarky and aloof to whining about how people are going to think he's a dick for arming the nukes. Here's a hint, dude. No one's going to run around identifying you as the guy who helped the terrorists if they can avoid it, and even if they did, you were kidnapped and tortured. So, quit making this all about you and finish your fucking vectors, Morris. Finish your vectors.
  8. Jack's going to do what he can to save Josh, because who doesn't want to see the young man grow up to be reclusive, needy and traumatized like Kim Bauer?
  9. Phillip Bauer is wading out so far in the river of denial that he may as well start fly-fishing. "We can still be a family, Marilyn. A family tied by the bonds of the extreme threats to each others physical persons that we have made toward one another." Feh, it's still a better sounding Thanksgiving than most.
  10. Why the fuck did Josh WAIT TO RUN AWAY?? Wasn't the moment to do it clearly like, five minutes ago...the uhm, FIRST TIME he heard the words "I will kill Josh." I mean, that would have done it for me--I'd have been out the door and daring my septuagenarian grandpa to chase me down.
  11. I'm also getting sick of Grandpa Bauer constantly harping on "what he's built" and how he's got to protect it. Shit, old man, all you did was build some run of the mill defense contracting company. Big fuckin' deal, dude. And so what if you've got some taint on you? In this day and age, the tainted firms are the only ones that get the big Iraq War reconstruction contracts. If you didn't grease some politicians itchy palm by now, then you really haven't built anything.
  12. Josh makes up some lame excuse about wanting something to drink. Not a very good exit strategy, but part of me wanted Josh, when he saw his grandfather's gun, to say, "Well, fuck. In that case, can I please order room service, then?"
  13. Morris stops off at the Snappy Snack Shack to buy some Red Bull, whiskey, and Altoids. Or, as I like to call that combination: Breakfast.
  14. The advertisement for the movie The Number 23 features a voiceover that says, "From director Joel Schumacher," and, I have to ask: why do they say that like it's a good thing?
  15. Jesus, Morris is getting infuriatingly righteous with his sense of self-pity. He's practically on the verge of blogging.
  16. Most people from outside the DC area might find it weird that Biscuit McLieberman decided to try to stop Wayne Palmer's assassination just because he gave him an audience and paid him some compliments on his advice, but that's just the way Washington works--at any given time, the only people walking around this city who DON'T want to kill the President are the ones whose asses he's recently and sumptuously kissed. If you are a member of the White House press corps, it doesn't even have to be sumptuous.
  17. Agent Hollister? Like we need another Abercrombie and Fitch plug in this world!
  18. Kee-rist! Even when Chad Lowe is beating Biscuits ass, he sorta looks like he's about to cry.
  19. Gradenko is part of the "Glaspa House?" I guess he shouldn't throw stones! Ha.
  20. I love how Phillip Bauer is like, "Even when you were young, I knew I shouldn't underestimate you, Jack." Fuck! Who did Jack interrogate when he was a kid!
  21. Chloe says, "Yes, but he didn't metabolize the alcohol." Thus giving us one more opportunity to be reminded that Chloe almost never, ever talks like an actual person.
  22. Phillip thought that Gradenko was keeping the nukes "for the day when the Soviet Union would be re-established?" Are you kidding me? What Russian in their right mind wants to re-establish the Soviet Union? Once you've gotten shot of the Estonians, man, you should really sit back and count your blessings.
  23. Wow! Jack's dad is ashamed of Jack because he's a civil servant!? Suddenly 24 has become like The Jazz Singer with Grover Norquist in the Warner Oland role.
  24. Sweet! President Charles Logan is back--bearded, even!--and this time, he's taking home that goddamned Emmy!

1 comment:

Jay said...

"Yes, but he didn't metabolize the alcohol."

Um, also not the correct word. "Absorb," maybe, even "digest"? "Metabolize" means to break down, so while it is technically true, it does not communicate the entire course of events.