Capital Weather's wonderful, inscrutable, and yet totally understandable guide to the coming Snowpocalypse.
Every once in a while, the strange little graphics Capital Weather deploys to describe what's going on in the weather say it all, even when we can't totally be sure what it is they are depicting. These are some formidable meteorologists who nevertheless understand that the Perfectest Storm is the gale force winds of my formidable imagination. To wit:
Today, the approach of the coming snowpocalypse was depicted by an approaching, roiling cloud of pure winter fury. Look at that fucking icy mass! You think you can escape that? Better get your toilet paper now, assholes! Because look at what's coming over the next two days!
Oh shit! That's right. After the initial surge of wintry destruction, the conditions over the next two days will closely resemble the environment typically found within Ann Coulter's vagina, with long, sharp, unforgiving stalactites of frozen tears and frostbitten, craggy walls where the human seed can find no purchase.
Finally, after two days of unforgiving, Coulter-poont brutality, the only figure you'll be able to see moving across the face of the blasted tundra of Washington, DC will be Bigfoot, and you can bet he'll be pissed as shit that the 38B still doesn't run on time!