Friday, February 02, 2007

The Politico: Harnessing the Interwebs in the Manner of Junior High School Nimrods

Hey! Great work, Politico! This is what? Your third week? You guys are already proving that what the political discourse needs is a heavy dose of time-honored internet tradition, where the egos are bruised and the dicks are inflamed.

First, we have Josephine Hearn touching off a Classic Web 1.0 email flamewar because she felt the need, deep inside to defend the teeny, wittle, insignificant patch of grass she'd pissed on to the death. Must credit meeee! Must credit meeee! This blew out of all proportion when another reporter from Some Other DC Rag We've Never Heard Of stripped to her singlet and stepped in the ring to have an ego-cockfight. Sexytime! It has completely overshadowed the original story (Loretta Sanchez and Joe Baca's namecalling spree). Well played, ladies!

Today, Mike Allen had the opportunity to file a story about Barack Obama, and of all the things he chose to talk about, he decided in his infinite wisdom that Mike Allen Was The Story and that The Big Scoop in Politics on this very day was how Obama hurt his precious little feelings! Awwww. Someone needs a hug, and Allen makes it pretty clear that Hiwwary Cwinton always makes him feel special and nice, the way she cradles his scrotum like a pair of beloved Bing cherries, and reads Goodnight Moon to him when he's been a good boy. The money shot is his line: "I chuckled, thinking he was kidding." That Obama was clearly not kidding is reason enough to give him your vote! If it turns out that Barack wouldn't know Allen from a hole in the ground, then I'm cool with letting him replace freaking Santa Claus.

It's all, isn't it? This is truly cutting edge net culture alive and well at the Politico.

Mike Allen came to DC, after all, to serve the public interest attend all the "right" parties and make the "scene" and bask in the glow of powerful people and he has invested way too much preening and fawning in the effort to let Barack Obama get away with such a slight! Hey, Mike! You remember when you partied with Dick Cheney and spent the evening telling everyone that Bono was gonna be Time Magazine's person of the year? That was teh awesome! Storybook, man! I mean, embargo, schmembargo, right?

Tune in next week, when the Politico sets up a TOTALLY DOPE alt.flame Usenet newsgroup and trades John Kerry jokes over IRC!

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