Friday, February 23, 2007

There was a Dream, Named Vilsack.

All is not well in Democratic Primaryland today, friends. We are expected to hear today that former Iowa Governor and husband to perhaps the most beloved Iowan since Reggie Roby shattered the color barrier for NFL punters, Tom Vilsack, is dropping out of the race! Cry!

Hey, we didn't favor Tommy V's chances that much, but he had some stuff going for him. The V For Vendetta style campaign decor, the fact that he was a governor (Americans heart managerial acumen in their Prexy candidates) as opposed to a Senator with a long, publicly disclosed record of backbiting, whining and, the best joke Jon Stewart could land on him was to imitate the AFLAC duck! Lame!

What's the immediate effect of his dropping out of the race? Well, it's sure going to embolden one of our nation's enemies--Joe Biden. Freals, y'all: how is Biden still in this race and Vilsack is out? Biden is like, the Antonella Barba of the Democratic Primaries--his only contributions have been being caught on camera offering addled bitchery and oozing poop from his orifices. Are the people at "Vote For The Worst" going to be active in this primary season?

Oh, Tom. I don't wanna close my eyes. I don't wanna fall asleep. Cause I miss you, Tom. And I don't want to miss a thing. Except for, perhaps, the next six or seven years of American history. How much ethanol would it take to put me into a coma?

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