Monday, March 12, 2007

The 24gasm: 5pm-6pm

  1. Sorry about the previous omission and the eleventh-hour inclusion here. We've had little time to blog. Projects at work, NCAA basketball, and activity out in the real world has pushed back our TV viewing considerably. But we're caught up, now. If you still remember last week'd episode: here are some lame jokes!
  2. POTUS' nickname is "Citadel?" Methinks they are either ascribing rock-hard, firm descriptors where none seem to exist, or the writers know something I don't about Mr. Wayne Palmer. Anyway, we're about to put the White House Bunker medical facility to the test against CTU's.
  3. When Jack's hanging with someone he doesn't like, the pissing matches that ensue can get nutcake over the most mundane details. For example, when Logan suggests, "We should leave now," Jack grits his teeth and spits, "Get in the car!" You see, it had to be Jack's idea to leave.
  4. Meanwhile, back at the bunker, everyone's all, "Where's Tom Lennox? Where's Tom Lennox?" Tom lennox is the new Carmen Sandiego. And yet, on a day of crisis, no one suspects a thing. And, on a day of crisis, no one calls Chad Lowe on the carpet for how squirrelly he's being. And he's being mad squirrelly. He's hidden his nuts, but good. Or Hilary Swank has hidden them for him.
  5. These allegedly patriotic terrorist-abetters are fucking weird. I mean, they just attempted to off the President, but killing Tom Lennox is a matter that requires furtive, angsty discussion? "We're not killers, we're just President placement-next-to-deadly-bomb administrators!" We don't kill people, explosives tied to electronic circuitry kill people!
  6. By the way, Tom, as a rule of thumb, you never say, "You are going to have to kill me" to a killer and then turn your back on him. I mean, this is just common sense.
  7. Wife of DCeiver wonders: Why is it that after "Dmitri", the go-to Russian name for television characters is always "Anatoly?" What about a nice Piotr? Or Nikolai? Aleksei, anyone?
  8. What I wonder is this: I am one of the educated and cultured elite in this nation. I'm not saying that boastfully, it's a simple fact. And you can add to that the fact that I know more about Russian naming conventions than I know what to do with because I hung out with Russian ex-pats on a regular basis for about three years of my life. So, when I hear the word "Anatoly", my brain instantly registers, "Russian name." I can't imagine though that most Americans know that. I wonder what it's like to hear a word like "Anatoly" and not know what the fuck it means? Maybe I am just giving the hoi polloi too little credit. But then, that's just me: I fucking hate people!
  9. The actor they got to play Anatoly, by the way, is simply the finest upper-lip actor I have ever seen! He doesn't need to do anything but jiggle that sweaty, thick upper lip, at the screen to register a panoply of emotion.
  10. Chloe's "Working Under The Radar." Finish your beer!
  11. Damn: Even Logan is aware of CTU's lousy track record of sending agents into foreign consulates on clandestine missions of violent information extraction! Jack must figure that the Chinese are the ones with the cutting edge gulags these days, and not the Russians. Of course, he's wrong on both counts. It's America that has the finest concentration camps in the world nowadays.
  12. WTF? Dave Matthews is going to be on HOUSE? "It's like, ants are marching all over me, doc! This is not a typical situation! What would you say if you just made the best of what's around? 41! 41! Crash that hypo into me! Oww! Not my Jimi thing! Ahhhh. Oh, yeah. That's the morphine that Jane likes. Why don't you...hike up your skirt a little more..."
  13. Hey--did everyone notice how clear the picture was as Karen watched television news on HER SPRINT PHONE?
  14. Jack speaks a mean Russian. I haven't kept track of Jack's language skills, but I am glad he doesn't have Sidney Bristow's "total vocabulary awareness/shitty sounding dialect" syndrome.
  15. Karen is headed back to Washington to rescind her resignation, which is good for the country, but bad for those of us itching to see a little Silver Fox coitus in Prime Time.
  16. I love how Jack TOTES soft-pedals the fact that he's broken into the consulate and beaten the crap out of Anatoly! "Well, Bill. There's a little bit of situation here at the consulate and I don't want to freak you out but I just really really really wanted to talk to the consul and he just wasn't being totally forthcoming and I really thought that he deserved another chance to make himself clear, and one thing led to another and my fist ended up violently juxtaposing itself with his face and before you say anything I know that's not always the best way to proceed when you are illegally on foreign soil and yes, everyone outside the room is concerned about what's going on in here and I totally understand that, okay? I totally understand their concerns and I just want you to let them know that it was never my intention to add to their frustrations--I think that good people can agree or disagree on what appropriate behavior is and what isn't and look, Bill, if I could go back in time and take back what I did I really would and I promise that I will try to mitigate, if not alleviate their concerns about me being in here beating on their boss. I know it's nto fair to them, and, golly, Bill, it's not fair to you either. You've been really understanding today and have done nothing but do your best to put me in a position to succeed--that's good managerial skills, Bill...really good skills, and, as an employee, I really couldn't ask for much more. It's just--crazy day, you know--what with the nuke going off and me just getting sprung from a Chinese gulag and all. Maybe I'm back in here because deep down, I want to punish myself for some reason, or have other people punish me for my inadequacies--we can discuss this another time Bill...and I hope we do. Let's get drinks one night next week! We can get drinks, just the two of us, and really hash this all out--get to the bottom of it and get me pointed in the right direction in life. You've come a long way, Bill, in your life and I value your opinions and cherish your guidance and I just know that you can have a ton of good advice for me--and I want to make USE of that, Bill...I really, truly do. Let's just let me resolve this situation and I promise, we can meet up and I promise to listen and do more things that enable me to be a good and productive member of the CTU team. Okay, Bill, I--oh...Bill, I'm going to have to call you back, this asshole is conscious again."
  17. You can see Powers Boothe mulling it: "Just how Cheneytastic do I want to be?"
  18. President Subharov will retaliate with "forceful diplomatic measures?" OoooOooOoOoh, no! Not forceful diplomatic measures! What, are you going to stop serving FINGER SANDWICHES when you have the U.S. Ambassador over for tea?
  19. Dude. This whole time Jack is sweating this Russian dude, trying to find out where Gradenko is, weren't you all: "Jack! Press REDIAL on his motherfucking PHONE!"
  20. Gads. Like America doesn't have ENOUGH problems with cigars...
  21. Have I mentioned before how weirdly not of this world the whole Fall Out Boy VCast commercial is? Who is this roided up weightroom bitch? Am I to believe that this dude listens to Fall Out Boy? This aint a scene, it's a gun show!
  22. Oh, fuck yeah. CTU is going to storm the consulate. It's ALL IN time now, BITCHES!
  23. Oh my! That poor Russian guard! I had high hopes he'd be this season's "sons of a Middle Eastern gun-shop owning immigrant" instead of this season's "doomed bank manager."
  24. Folks, tonight we got Martha Logan, in the house, and emoting up a storm! Will we also have Aaron Pierce, who should be totally hitting that? Tune in tonight.


KCinDC said...

Do they really have so many guards at the consulate that they don't know each other?

Wikipedia thinks the Russian president's name is Suvarov. I don't think Subharov would be possible in Russian, since it doesn't have an "h", but who knows, maybe the Russian president is actually Ukrainian or something. Or maybe you were making some joke that was too obscure for me.

The Deceiver said...

Wikipedia is correct, it likely is Suvarov. I chose Subharov only because, to me, it looked aesthetically pleasing. I'm enamored of the little regional changes to names. I like Slavic first names, too. Also, I like that in Iceland, everyone's -son or -dottir.

Thehairyape said...

It ain't Cheneytastic, it straight up Johnsonarific - bad hair, bad judgment and all.

employeemegan said...

I have a semi-answer to #7, at least on shows produced by 20th Century Fox- one of the guys in legal there (who happens to be very lovable), is named Anatole, and I believe his name has been used in a number of shows as an homage.