Saturday, March 17, 2007

Who is Mike Green?

Damn, folks. I've been yelling, "Win, Butler!" so loud and so often that my neighbors probably think I'm getting boned by the lead singer of the Arcade Fire.

I imagine that everyone at the Washington Post is very very weepy right now. They've done a good job at sublimating their biases of late, but yesterday's Sports sections brought them all back to the surface. To wit, here's how the Post prioritizes their local hoops coverage:

Cheering on the Terrapins
Cheering on the Hoyas
Cheering on the Colonials (when they're feeling the bandwagon)
Cheering on the Hokies
Cheering on whoever the University of Virginia is playing.

Any Wahoo who grew up around here will recognize. And, yesterday, it was really, really obvious. On one hand, the Post wrote a lengthy article on the UVa.-Albany game, with a gooey creamy lede that basically painted the Great Danes as the closest thing we have to heaven sent angels on earth, brimming with passion and love for the game and each other, while the UVa. players sulked in a quiet funk. Fully two-thirds of the article focused on Albany, and one of its primary theses was to mount the RIDICULOUS assertion that Albany's point guard, a man whose name I have obviously forgotten, forever by now, was the equal to Sean Singletary in terms of talent and ability--a premise so demonstrably retarded that we didn't even need to stage a game in which to prove it. Though, now, that game's been played, so suck it, Post and, gee--so long, whoever you are from Albany! Nice try!

Meanwhile, the Post's coverage of Maryland was collegial and "aw shucks" and as homer-bung-licking as it could possibly get. Gary Williams facial expressions mean specific things to the sportswriter because they're both old-buddies who've been through a lot together--and hey? "Isn't this the first time...EVER? that a 4 seed has defeated a 13 seed? No? You say it's pretty routine? Well fuck it: Let's run our coverage as if it had NEVER been done before, because Gary Williams: he's like some crazy ASTRONAUT POPE or something, and me and Mike Wise can't wait to mow his lawn."

Anyway, Butler's in, there's a better than even chance Virginia's going to get sent home tomorrow (despite the fact that I cannot put my finger on anything Bruce Pearl actually does as a coach besides a). sweating* and b). turning the whole Tennessee basketball experience into some huge Cirque du Psychotique art project), Greg Paulus sucks bilge, and the early end to Maryland's season means that the Post will have plenty of unspent groundless praise to heap upon our shitty, shitty baseball team.

4 comments:

Consul-At-Arms said...

"here's how the Post prioritizes their local hoops coverage:

Cheering on the Terrapins
Cheering on the Hoyas
Cheering on the Colonials (when they're feeling the bandwagon)
Cheering on the Hokies
Cheering on whoever the University of Virginia is playing."

This is a huge change from when I was in school. In those long-ago days, it was a miracle if the Post even listed VPI games/scores at all.

Duane said...

Funny Blog...

I'm a proud Terp Alum and I'm trying to remember the last time UVA had a team worthy of actually hating. Oh yeah, the Ralph Sampson years.

I bet you get those videos out and weep for past glory

The Deceiver said...

I get weepy over the Donald Hand years...

VP19 said...

Hey, until the ACC, no one in Washington even knew Gobbler basketball existed. (Thank you, Mark Warner!)