Thursday, March 01, 2007

Wikiality: Now Wiki-wiki-wiki-wacker than ever.

Remember back in the day, when we all used to get the same email forwards as everyone else because we hadn't invented junk mail filters and/or subjected Aunt DeeDee to the threat of painful maiming? One of the ones I remember distinctly getting was one of those lengthy documents to the innocent ideas children had about the world and its history. You know the ones: they pulled quotes from elementary school essays that said things like: "Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world in a giant clipper." Such laffs! Why, Wife of DCeiver brought home for Christmas a "cookbook" from her elementary school kids with "recipes" for "meals"--it included instructions for cooking omelettes that said to cook the eggs for forty-five minutes.

You wouldn't, of course, attempt to prepare food according to the instructions in this cookbook. Not if didn't want your stomach to come rocketing out of the side of your bowel like an angry, bile-encrusted Roman candle, anyway. If your kid insisted that you cook something according to his or her elementary school "cookbook", that's when you, as a parent, need to instinctually do something to distract your kid, like promising him a hoverbike or slipping him a roofie. Because, as a parent, you know something important about your kid. He's stupid. Dumb as rocks.

The hope is that you kid grows up to be something useful and that he learns to stop making chateaubriand with bubblegum and that Sir Francis Drake had very little, in fact, to do with foreskins. Good news, though. Those that don't now have a home.

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