Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Bush Surgeon General Nominee Not a Fan of the Assfucking.

You know, the Bush administration has historically evinced little regard for sending our fighting men and women off down the deep, black, miasmic hole of his Iraq misadventure, but just try staging your own troop surge in the comforts of your own bedroom! Those rights to bone whatever is available during these dark times, hard won in the Lawrence v. Texas decision, are coming under fire once again as Bush puts forth his nominee for The Guy From The Cigarette Packs That No One Listens To, James W. Holsinger, Jr.

Holsinger, a card-carrying enemy of fabulous non-traditional males everywhere, has dedicated his life to ending the tyranny of buttsex. This, despite Mark Foley's unmistakable sunny glow and good skin tone. He's one of those ex-gay ministry freakonauts, and he even wrote a book filled with specious reasoning, entitled, “Pathophysiology of Male Homosexuality” for the United Methodist Church’s Committee to Study Homosexuality. I'm jacking off to it right now!

Think Progress has some lovely highlights, and by "highlights", I mean "magazine found in dentists' waiting rooms that cater to children who will never read above a third grade level.

"Likewise it is clear that even primitive cultures understand the nature of waste elimination, sexual intercourse, and the birth of children. Indeed our own children appear to 'intuitively' understand these facts."
Yes. Children understand this intuitively, and it's high time we called them out for the bullshit way they make us clean up their bags of shit for the first two years of their lives!

"The anatomic and physiologic facts of alimentation and reproduction simply do not change based on any cultural setting."
Yeesh. Tell that to the Mormon hostess at the restaurant I used to work at who I wasted an entire summer on trying to bone. I've never been so culturally cockblocked!

Here's the best part:

"In fact, the logical complementarity of the human sexes has been so recognized in our culture that it has entered our vocabulary in the form of naming various pipe fittings either the male fitting or the female fitting depending upon which one interlocks within the other."
Yes. Without heterosexuals, how would humanity have ever learned how to move water?

"Therefore, based on the simplest known anatomy and physiology, when dealing with the complementarity of the human sexes, one can simply say, Res ipsa loquitur - the thing speaks for itself!"
Well, quidquid latine dictum sit altum viditur! Fitting, that he should sign off so, since the Romans were both excellent plumbers and noted buggery enthusiasts. There's a reason they call it a posteriori reasoning, my friends.

1 comment:

BlackTsunami said...

actually if you read his paper, he is a fan of it so to speak.

he admits that heterosexuals do it but fails to talk about how they are affected by it. the bulk of his paper criticizes gays for anal sex.