Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Once A Dallas Cowboy, Always an Arizona Cardinal

I hate to be the one to cast aspersions (actually, that's a total lie) but I have reason to believe that Emmitt Smith may, in fact, be a stupendous dumbass of the highest order. In the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, Smith seemed to think that the authorities were just singling Michael Vick out so they could roll up some bigger criminals: "He's the biggest fish in the whole doggone pond right now so they're putting the squeeze on him to get to everyone else."

Of course, that makes zero fucking sense, because if Vick is the "biggest fish," then who is he going to rat out? Why get to everyone else? Wasn't Michael Vick running the Michael Vick Illegal Dogfighting Ring, and hosting it at Michael Vick's House, aka "Home of the Michael Vick Dogfighting Ring?" Who else needs to be arrested here? Satan? The Evil Force that Lurks in the Hearts of Illiterate Dipshits?

I guess everytime Michael Irvin attempted to explain away being caught with a mountain of blow in each nostril and every one of his limbs in the gaping coochie of some overworked Texas whore by saying, "It's all a conspiracy! They're out to get me!" Emmitt was one of the poor dumb fucks who believed him. Oh well, he sure can run with the ball all pretty, so let's definitely get his thoughts on jurisprudence!

In related news, Michael Vick is one sick-ass fucking individual. Betcha the Falcons wish they hadn't dealt Schaub now! Who is Atlanta's projected starter now, anyway? Joey Harrington? Jesus wept.

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