So earlier, I led you all to this truly mind-warping item on the Fox News website, detailing how a South Carolina inmate, in a “handwritten complaint,” is suing Atlanta Falcons quarterback for $63,000,000,000 dollars over something having to do with with dog fighting, an eBay auction, missiles from Iran, and an oath sworn to al Qaeda. The complaint—which we remind you: hand-written!--includes this line: “Michael Vick has to stop physically hurting my feelings and dashing my hopes,” which basically opens the door for any old Falcon fan to basically attach themselves to the suit in what would be the most hilarious class-action in the history of the universe.
But the best part of the story comes toward the end:
FOXNews.com attempted to contact Vick, but neither he nor his spokesman could be reached for comment.
Really? They bothered? It's up to the guys at Kissing Suzy Kolber to maybe imagine what that conversation could have been like.A copy of the hand-written complaint is up at The Superficial, and while we're disappointed that crayon does not play a part in any of this, we are convinced that somewhere in that text is BEST AUDITION MONOLOGUE EVER.