You Don't Have To Be a Douchebag to Work For Donald Rumsfeld, But It Helps (And Let's Face It, You Probably Are One Already, Anyway.)
Now that he's long since retired, you wouldn't think there'd be much new to learn about former Secretary of Defense/celebrated ninny Donald Rumsfeld. But guess what! There totally is, and it's this: Donald Rumsfeld hires women to push around other women on the streets of DC! What a fucking pussy!
It all went down this afternoon, as my coworker Kristen was heading back to our office from lunch with a friend. As she came down L Street, she noticed a phalanx of suity, security types headed in her direction, and at the center of the scrum was the idiot son of a goat's taint, Donald Rumsfeld. Kristen, figuring that giving them a wide berth was the better part of valor in this instance, stepped all the way over to the edge of the sidewalk, tiptoeing on the curb's edge. But that wasn't good enough for one woman in Rummy's detail, who stepped away from the pack to brusquely shove Kristen in the street as they passed by!
Kristen was obviously flabbergasted and floored by the whole experience of being pushed into the road by some utter jackass--the only thing she could think to do was to yell "Bitch!?!" after her assailant. Rumsfeld and his crew of goons just kept on sauntering down the sidewalk as if nothing had happened. (This all happened after 11:30am, so it's safe to say that Rumsfeld probably reeked of liquor when all this happened.)
The whole thing is pretty astounding, and not just for the way it makes John Ashcroft look classy by comparison. Remember to watch out for Rummy and his passel of thugged-out fucksticks as you navigate the streets of the city. And be glad he ain't guarded by Blackwater, because those guys aren't good for anything other than getting wasted and firing automatic weapons indicriminately into crowds of innocent bystanders.