Wednesday, November 14, 2007

THE AUDACITY OF DOPES: Please Stop Hurting America, Chris Matthews.

OMG. I know it's too much to ask for Chris Matthews to stop talking about Hillary Clinton's debate performance from like, A YEAR AGO, and the many ways she "plays" something called "the gender card"--as if Edwards wasn't out there playing the "Son of a Mill Worker Card" and Giuliani wasn't out there playing the "9/11! Everybody run! Card." After all, prattling on and on is what Matthews does best. But for the love of all that is holy, can Matthews PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET ME GET WHAT I WANT THIS TIME? And by that, I mean a merciful end to the constant referencing of the 1965 film Cat Ballou?

You simply have NO idea how often Matthews mentions this goddamned movie. It's like, the only cultural referent he has at his disposal. And the galling thing is, every time he mentions the movie, he acts like he's making this trenchant connection for the first time with this smug smile that he thinks is telling the world, "Clearly, I think that I am some sort of magical genius of unparalleled super-wonderment!"--when the message it really sends is that someone needs to update his fucking Netflix queue!

What will it take? I'll give Matthews ten dollars right!...if he just agrees to stop mentioning Cat Ballou for the rest of the calendar year. Hand to God I will!

Chris, please: SEE ANOTHER MOVIE. Why not check out 30 Days of Night? It's got vampires! I'm guessing you like vampires, right? Seeing as how deft you are at sucking the life out of our discourse and making people feel undead!

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