Tuesday, November 13, 2007

George Allen's Hidden Football Metaphor

Last week, Time Magazine began the arduous process of ending our collective reign as the Time Magazine Person of the Year. It's been a great ride, full of esoteric bullshit and jokes that you could use only once without seeming entirely fatuous about it, but our time--and by that I mean "your" time--is coming to an end.

To make this a reality, Time hosted a panel of luminaries to put forth possible nominees for the 2007 Person of the Year Award, and for reasons nigh upon inexplicable, former Virginia Senator and celebrated turd George Allen was on this panel. The only reason I can fathom that anyone at Time would want him there is for the radical frisson of having someone who had been fully eaten alive by "You" and "Your" "Tubes" in the previous year in person. A sort of passing of the buffoon baton, as it were.

To his credit, Allen behaved himself. He didn't ride in on a pretend horse like a pretend cowboy. He didn't leave any decapitated animal heads in anyone's mailbox. And he somehow managed to avoid insulting any of the minorities who were in attendance.

Also, he didn't select any of the people one might expect for Person of the Year, given his proclivities. We fully anticipated that Allen would nominate one or more of the following:

  • Football
  • End zone
  • Intentional Grounding
  • Huddle
  • Footballs
  • Touchdown!
Instead, Allen nominated General David Petraeus. Which is totes fitting! After all, he's the guy who helps President Bush move the goalposts!


Clayton said...

george allen share's your alma mater. he was even senior class president, and graduated "with distinction" according to wikipedia.

The Deceiver said...

Oh, I know, I know. He also quarterbacked the football team--I'm guessing that he did so back in the day that the team was so unwatchable that everyone started dressing up in the stands and slowly drinking themselves to death. It's not a part of the school's legacy that we take pride in. As one law professor once said: "George Allen is easily the second-stupidest person to ever graduate from UVa Law. Lucky for him, Mary Sue Terry was the first."