Friday, November 02, 2007

Glaring Omissions: The World's Most Ridiculous Sports Team Names

Here, you'll find's accounting of the most ridiculous team names in the world of sports. By and large, a thorough accounting, one in which I learned many new things. But, as much as I dislike being a nag, I feel they've made a terrible mistake. And this isn't a close call, or a name that needs for you to be in the right frame of mind or correct dosage of pharmaceuticals to fully appreciate. No, it's pretty obvious. So much so, that I only grew more convinced through the article that this team would be accorded high honors of ridiculousness.

The team I am referring to is from the late and lamented Women's United Soccer Association: The Bay Area CyberRays. Easily the most asinine name for a sports team ever devised. The case is strong on the merits:

  • CyberRay? Really?
  • It's a compound word with an intermediate capital letter - a clear sign of the edgeless, attempting to introduce "edge."
  • Because what you most fear in a sports opponent is the extent to which they remind you of the internet.
  • Because it's just sad to be out there, using the word "cyber" a decade after people stopped using it, because it sounded fucking twee.
  • What is it about the internet made you think of a ray? The way it stings?
  • The name was changed from "Bay Area CyberRays" to the "San Jose CyberRays," which is just sad.
  • The team colors were purple and orange. You know...just like a CyberRay!
  • Seriously. What the fuck is a CyberRay?!

That said, despite their asinine name, the Bay Area CyberRays did win the Founders' Cup in the inaugural season of the WUSA. Still, I say: worst sports name EVER.


PK said...

There have been a lot of bad names for soccer teams in the US. I mean, they have the New York Red Bulls on the list under "blatant corporate sponsorship"... but they seem to have forgotten that the stupid team used to be called the NEW YORK/NEW JERSEY METROSTARS. Oops, sorry: That's MetroStars (you can't see exactly how retarded it is with caps lock on).

PK said...

Oh, and by the way: The Atlanta Krunk. Worst name ever? or BEST name ever?

Anonymous said...

I think you have too much time on your hands.

Anonymous said...

Didn't the Chicago Bulls used to be called the Zephyrs?

That might not be themost ridiculous team names, but it's surely one of the gayest.