Thursday, November 15, 2007

Tonight's Debate, Badly Liveblogged! PART THE DEUX!

PRATTLING DUMBASS: Tell me how are you going to stop the war?

BIDEN: Don't ratchet up the winds! Keep quiet and hush up, Bush.

CLINTON: (who stands, which means everyone else is gonna fucking stand, now) You know that the Iranians are terrorists, kid! Please!

EDWARDS: (who stands) Have some platitudes, soulja boy! We must stop the neocons! (But won't that happen simply by voting for ANY Democrat? Oh...wait...Lieberman.) We must stop this President! (But won't he be stopped simply by his term limit?)

OBAMA: I will meet with our enemies! For a nice lunch. A tuna club or something. Fruit plate. Arugula.

PRATTLING DUMBASS: I think you're all about getting us out of Iraq...[ha ha: THEY'RE NOT]. What about private contractors in Iraq? And, HAPPY BIRTHDAY BILL RICHARDSON.

RICHARDSON: I'd pull out private contractors like a Catholic Schoolboy on Prom night. I will magically add people to the army even though we're plumb done run out of people. Maybe I'll train more dolphins or something. The big challenge is mental health. Which is why Mike Gravel really should be here.

PRATTLING DUMBASS: OH NOES, AN ISLAMOFASCIST HAS A QUESTION! Michelle Malkin is PLOTZING herself!

EDWARDS: We are abusing the Patriot Act. I will stop the racial profiling and the spying. And the embarrassment. And the rendition and torture. This will definitely make all the movies better.

KUCINICH: Yeah, I am against the Patriot Act. Because I can read. And this guy is owed an apology. I do not have a bunch of different positions! Except with my hot wife. Seriously. We do this shin-sei shin-sei stuff on the kitchen counter that is just AMAZING.

BIDEN: I am going to speak to you in excruciatingly patronizing tones!

PRATTLING DUMBASS: Lou Dobbs is a wicked moron. CAN YOU STOP HIM?

RICHARDSON: Something about Congress, approval ratings, Dick Cheney, and HMOs. I think I'm actually hallucinating. I am against the fence. I am against demonizing immigrants. I am against immigrating demons. Mexico is our friend! We should be like: "Mexico, stop the crap, kthxbai!"

DODD: Damn. He speaks Spanish well!

PRATTLING DUMBASS: WAAAAH! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO FOR THE BABY BOOMERS! WE WANTY! WE WANTY!

OBAMA: We have to stop George Bush! [Term limits! Term limits!] I am buddies with Warren Buffet, and he says he'll pay more for Social Security. He's the only one, though. But it's a start!

CLINTON: My husband was a totes awesome President and Bush ruined it! But you can't vote for him, so vote for the next best thing. I think we can have blue ribbon panels. I have a lot of other ideas.

OBAMA: You are so like Mitt Romney or Rudy Giuliani! Wife of DCeiver: "oooh, SNAP!"

CLINTON: Uhm...fire fighters and school supervisors...uhm...trying to find a thread here. Tip O'Neill had a good idea once! We will resurrect Tip O'Neill!

Wait...another break...MUCH MUCH MORE? How long is this goddamned debate going to be???

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