Thursday, November 15, 2007

Tonight's Debate, Badly Liveblogged! WHAT? THERE'S A THIRD PART???

Prattling Dumbass: We constantly hear questions about the war and health care. But what about Supreme Court justices?

DODD: You want to have justices that are good and stuff. And schoolly. But I don't believe in litmus tests. Oh, wait, yes I do, on Roe v. Wade. I just want to get to know the justices. Take a road trip with them.

BIDEN: Suck it, Suzanne Malveaux! I WILL APPOINT A DOG CATCHER. I WILL APPOINT A STEVEDORE. I WILL APPOINT SOMEONE WHO IS ALIVE. (But it'll be a woman, though.)

RICHARDSON: I will have diversity! But I will have four litmus tests.

KUCINICH: I will appoint healers. Magical healers!

CLINTON: Privacy is the new abortion, everyone! Spread the word! And vote for Biden, maybe.

OBAMA: I will not support anyone who doesn't believe in a woman's right to choose uhm...privacy. Is that the term we're using now?

EDWARDS: Yeah, yeah...privacy. I'm the son of a millworker, and if there's one thing that sons of millworkers know, it's millworking judges.

PRATTLING DUMBASS: How will you undivide the country?

OBAMA: I will convene the longest, most boring ass meeting ever convened, and this will beat all the partisans into submission. "Please stop," they'll cry and cry. But it won't stop. It won't EVER STOP! Not until they HUNGER for me.

CLINTON: I am running to be President of the entire country! ONE RING TO RULE THEM ALL! VOTE FRODO/LEGOLAS in 2008!

BIDEN: I will end the war. And the Republicans already totes heart me. I'm great and everyone agrees. THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE HARD. EVERYTHING WILL BE EASY.

RICHARDSON: I am the negotiator! Now, watch as I lose the support of the Israel lobby.

PRATTLING DUMBASS: OMG. What a moron.

WOLF: Well, with that final dose of pure asininity, I think it's time we gave up on this. Join us for the GOP YouTube debate!

ME: At least there wasn't a "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" joke. Bye!

2 comments:

veganbilly said...

this is marvelous, you're marvelous

it's too bad Biden passed on Clinton/Biden '08 because that would be fanfuckingtastic. He really projects frustration more than anything - "Guys, ffs, I know what needs to be done and I've been in politics for a billion years. Just vote for me already so I can fix all this crap. COME ON ALREADY, JESUS."

I love him.

Mrs Dementor said...

Thanks for giving us the blow-by-blow, I wasn't able to watch the shenanigans, your report was much more entertaining than the debate actually was, I'm sure.