The Audacity of Dopes: What If John Edwards and Mitt Romney Worked For the University Of Virginia Sports Information Desk?
CINCINNATI--After Thursday night's game with Xavier, John Edwards and Mitt Romney addressed the press.
"Whoo! All right! Second place!" Edwards exulted. "Not bad! Sort of feels like first place, in a way!" Edwards captured the evening's game as just a part of a larger picture: "Folks, we sent a strong message tonight. We came, we participated, and we can see this as a repudiation of the corporate interests that sponsored the Orange Bowl."
Mitt Romney played up UVa's successes in terms of the team's humble beginnings. "You know...we've come such a long way. When this season started, we were told that our opponents were too tough. Our competition included household names, like the Duke Blue Devils and the North Carolina Tarheels. Well, neither of these 'household names' managed to beat us tonight!"
Edwards followed Romney's remarks: "You know, it's often said that the ACC is the best conference in college basketball. Well, I think we can all agree that UVa. was the best ACC team here on the floor tonight!"
Romney then spent the next several minutes attempting to place silver medals around the necks of the UVa players. His efforts were thwarted, however, when Sean Singletary punched him in the scrotum. Romney is listed in stable condition.