Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Palme D'Ork Winners: Erik Wemple's Magic Ride

We had previously commented on the City Paper's Erik Wemple making the fascinating discovery that tensions between print and web DO EXIST! I know! The eleven kabillion think pieces already written on the matter weren't kidding! But I didn't realize until a few minutes ago that the City Paper's own website includes a YouTube video simulating Wemple, living out his wet-dream panting fantasy as a Postie, making a commute from the Post's main offices to "dot-com." (hat tips: AMC/Alex Pareene) It's hilariously inane...a real study in Web (-1.5). Some observations:

  • In Wemple's character-imaginings, the typical Post reporter speaks with the dialect of a coked-up Ray Romano trapped in the world's worst David Mamet play.
  • What are you doing in the right lane, trapped behind the D6 bus, asshole? You drive like a fucking tourist!
  • Uhm...cell phone use is illegal, beef-cheeks! [UPDATE: Oh, now that I watch it again, he "gets a ride" over to "dot-com." Huh. I guess there are cars standing by to ferry Posties to Arlington at all hours. Nice perk! Perfect for reporters who lack the stones to walk a few blocks in the snow.]
  • "I gotta figure out this floating-heads thing...all the icons..." WTF?
  • Why didn't you take a left on 19th and use the E Street Expressway? Is this your first time commuting?
  • OH NOES! He's gonna be late getting home to Stephanie Mencimer! Better call ahead and mitigate all the poop-flinging!
  • Seriously? "I don't know what icons I want to use on this thing?" Funny--most of the people I work with are in New York, and we have these things called "phones" and "computers" that help us facilitate our mundane-ass discussions.
  • OMG! Total driving time=15 minutes! Of course, he glossed over the hardest part of the commute, which is finding a quick parking space at Court House. Even when he's trying to be thorough, he's lazy!

On the plus side, the video does confirm to most of the Dogma 95 conventions.


Anonymous said...

the E Street Expressway? Dude, you are the only person who has ever used that term. The video is idiotic, but Wemple's route is absolutely the best way to get wp.com from downtown.

quincentupled said...

I sense another version of "The Five Obstructions" on the horizon -this could concievably be filmed with scooters instead of cars, in Paris instead of DC, blah, blah, blah.

Quick, get von Trier on the line! I think we really need to see him tell Wemple that he wants him to feel like a "tortoise on his back."

Ah, film courses.

Michael said...

I actually have used the term E Street Expressway before. I have found if you take TR Bridge/Route 50 to N. Courthouse Road, you'll save yourself the hassle of dealing with Rosslyn traffic.