Thursday, March 27, 2008


As many of you know, I truly despise those ugly, flying sacks of pure shit known as starlings. These despicable, cursed birds aren't even a native species of fauna. They were brought to this country by some uppity shithead from England who wanted every species of animal represented in Shakespeare to be in the New World, up to and including those bears that always chase us when we are trying to exeunt. This asswipe's first flock of birds dropped dead, but he didn't take the hint, and he brought another bunch of these fecking, pecking disasters over to America, and this time they thrived and went everywhere and have aggressively pushed our real American birds out of the ecosystems that God intended them to have.

Well, I read today that over in Dear Old Blighty, the starling population has begun to wane. Progress! Except that the dotty auld Brits want to save these horrible creatures. It's all explained by Londonist, where we also learn that bird census science is apparently run by bird-watching ponces:

While the Starling is still the most common bird found in London gardens, their numbers have declined from last year. In the RSPB Big Garden Birdwatch, an annual, hour-long event where bird enthusiasts or anyone with a garden in view
is asked to count the different birds in their gardens on a January weekend, Londoners counted 3.14 starlings per garden, down from last year's 3.65.

More troubling, though, is that since RSPB started the event in 1979, the number of starlings counted has dropped by 76%. To help keep the little birdies around, experts recommend growing plants that could provide food and shelter. Starlings specifically like to eat fruit and bugs.
One commenter writes: "I am inordinately fond of starlings: I love their chatter (and I chatter back)." This person is, apparently, my mortal enemy.

When next I come to Albion, be warned: I am going rogue.


Thundercheese said...

Along with feral pigeons and house sparrows, starlings are non-native rats on the wing. (The Norway rat also being an import.) Foreign scum! There are hundreds of millions of them. The British twitchers can have them back. Is there a Latin word for hatred of foreign birds-- something with xeno and avia and miso? Because I have that.

Anonymous said...

You have not lived until you've seen your sweet, seventy year-old Southern grandmother go charging out of the house with a bb gun to shoot at "those damn, dirty birds." Grandma's a pretty good shot, too--and starlings are her mortal enemy.

Anonymous said...

Well, the Brits f'd themselves when they decided to import our fuzzy tailed rats, aka the gray squirrel, to England. Our squirrel is decimating the population of their native, and somewhat cuter, red squirrel. I hope that's at least some consolation.

Anonymous said...

frEe tHE BiRDS.
toPPINS A bAG!!***

Sharon said...

How about we gather up all our excess (every last one of the F**#2!$$) starlings birdies and ship them BACK to GB? I'll even throw in a few grackles. We all can be happy.