Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Summary Judgement: March 2008

Here at DCeiver, we say a lot of things during the course of a month that even we can't recall once the Adderall has worn off. So, as a service to you, and us - mostly us - we've taken to presenting brief summaries of the entire past month's content of this blog. Enjoy.

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Hope I've "packaged" this piece with sufficient clarity, asshole.

Basically we had four contests tonight, with latte sipping Vermonters breaking for Hope and Ohio and Rhode Islanders opting for Hopeless and Texas probably called for Clinton but yielding more delegates to Obama because that's what Texans do: MAKE SENSE ALL THE GODDAMNED TIME.

Amanda Mattos: have you seen the post's chat with charlotte "queen of all things stupid" allen?

DCeiver: NO! "Women aren't a historically oppressed minority." ?!

Amanda Mattos: Wow! Wow.

DCeiver: Even if the outside world is hard, if we can do better, shouldn't we?

Amanda Mattos: PREACH ON

Ha ha! Hey, country singers!

If you're from Pennsylvania, leave some money after the beep."

Paul Krugman reports that poll numbers from Rasmussen reflect declining marks for Obama's "electability." OH WELL, PAUL!

So if you want to hear the Sensible Case For The Rosslynization of DC - here's Ryan and here's Matt.

See, Barack Obama! Anyway, we hope you learned your lesson! If you are going to call the Clintons names, it's better that you use a name that they've historically never registered any offense or concern at hearing.

Look, if whore-loving monger of whores Eliot Spitzer can be credited with performing a great service to the nation, it is this: that dude who opened up a can of terrorist whoop-ass on a single pane of glass in Times Square is gone from the news cycle. You broke a fucking window. We might be deep down the Times Square IED rabbithole by now! Is Oliver North kidding? What a waste of time that would be! Door Frame. Our National Sense of Perspective.

So, Geraldine Ferraro is convinced that Barack Obama is "lucky" to be black. Anyway, luck's a funny thing. Lately, I've been musing on Obama's luck myself. Why, if Ross Perot hadn't come along to run for president, you'd be hard pressed today to find five people in your life who even knew what a Hillary Clinton was.

280 shows are connected to Homicide: Life on the Street and St. Elsewhere, for a grand total of 282 series. The shows span from 1951 (I Love Lucy) to the present (23 shows are still on the air).

Clear your calendars, with lethal force if necessary.

Working from Chris Cillizza's numbers, Obama came into tonight with a lead of 1579-1473, and those numbers include pledged delegates and committed superdelegates. On March 1, everyone thought Clinton was going to lose this race for the nomination. Clinton was drawing dead on March 1, and she's drawing dead on March 12. Even the 12 point win Clinton's probably looking at in Pennsylvania can't genuinely turn this around for her.

Soon you got a lot of overpriced inventory in the marketplace - three whore-diamond whores charging six whore-diamond whore prices on the basis of frippery like granite countertops and GFE. Will you answer the call?

Watch the attached clip, and count the number of times that the Clinton team warns of the difficult process and the intrinsic unfairness of the caucus process.

Awesome. The woman who set up Spitzer's Emperor's Club sessions with hot mess MySpace whores, Tameka Lewis, went to UVA! Naturally, Lewis' family is stunned.

Maybe even two, because Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama hate our fucking guts so much.

Via Balk: "Eliot Spitzer’s dad...'reduced him to tears during a game of Monopoly' when he was a little boy." Interesting. Take the Oranges, win the game.

Daily Intelligencer reports on how Spitzer's trollop is faring: If you want to give her tracks a listen, head over to her Amie Street profile. I guess.

Former DCist editor/all around higher education gadfly Rob Goodspeed took up the matter of finding out some universal truths about the Washington Post's "Post Points" - WaPo's earnest "earn rewards as you go" program whose commercials you see on the teevee all the time, and, surprise! If I purchased copies of the Post from newsstands for the $10 gift card, it would cost me $338.50 in newspapers. At 6,325 points, it would take 3.47 years of reading one publication daily to earn enough points for it. This basically means that if the Post wanted to fund the media buy for the Post Points program using Post Points, they'd have to commit themselves to reading every single paper they publish from here on to infinity times ten.

Then, days later, Clinton surrogate compared Richardson to Judas!

I guess if Fred Armisen can be Obama then the G. can get away with Karma.

I kid, I kid. I wonder if our shitty Chinese food restaurant, Yuan Ho is still there! True story.

Well, shit. Expand to 128 teams! Play twenty-five minute games! As far as talent goes, the NCAA talent pool would be a lot better if the NBA didn't poach so much of it! Matt's insistent negging of the college game's level of talent just seems obtuse. Hey! Furthermore, the NBA may have superior players but the league seems actively antagonistic of the superior play that has led to many teams - the Spurs and Pistons, especially - winning titles of late. Last year, the NBA hyped LeBron James to the point of nausea. No professional sport experiences a more radical shift from player talent to coach talent in the playoffs than the NBA does - it's a product of moving from 82 fly-by-night games to a concentrated series against a single team. Milwaukee plays Chicago tonight at 8:30pm. Enjoy! Hey, for FUN, maybe your god-forsaken New York City Knickerbockers could try it out as well!

I mean, did you read Carl's forty point plan for the future of newspapers? Real-time online traffic and weather blogs, in intensely localized detail. Yes! People doing imaginary homework.

Anyway, the plumbers got down to work and I attempted to return to recuperative napping.

Fucking. Imagine? Tulsa playing Bradley two out of three is what plays at the ESPN Zone in Hell. That has to be the most ironic deployment of the words "if necessary" in the history of the goddamned world.

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