Tuesday, June 24, 2008

This Day In Mandychatting: Our Brand Could Be Your Life

Blogs t r e t c h: So i fell asleep after work with the tv on, and woke up to what's on NBC right now - Celebrity Family Feud, hosted by Al Roker, featuring a battle between the families of Joan Rivers and Ravyn Simone. Way weirder than whatever I was dreaming about.

DCeiver: You must have momentarily thought that some sort of disease broke out, leaving you and the stupid people.

Blogs t r e t c h: hahahaha


Blogs t r e t c h: That would be tight. Until they forgot where they put all the flower petals and velvet chairs. Oh my god. What is happening in america right now? On ABC it's I Survived a Japanese Game Show!

DCeiver: Everything's seemingly spiralling out of control!

Blogs t r e t c h: I buy it now.

DCeiver: We are clinging to VH1 right now.

Blogs t r e t c h: I guess it's admirable that they're sticking to a formula that works. Or at least, worked really really well about 7 years ago.

DCeiver: Snark, unblogged.

Blogs t r e t c h: I feel like this "I Love the New Millenium" show is less funny than the other "i love" shows, because during this millenium, all of these jokes have been made already, by bloggers. "I'll see your Best Week Ever, and raise you the best past 10 seconds!"

DCeiver: The funniest part of their I love the 90's special was the very last thing Dave Navarro said, which was something to the effect of, "I don't know how else to react to this. This was 1999. To me, that's like, last week."

Blogs t r e t c h: Hahahhaha, bingo.

DCeiver: Later we have entourage to watch.

Blogs t r e t c h: I'm really pissed that I don't have HBO or Showtime right now. God bless Netflix.

DCeiver: There's not much good on HBO these days though, is there? Showtime is where it's at.

Blogs t r e t c h: But Entourage is the ultimate summer escapist television. It's just so beautifully compelling for no reason, it's like the fictional predecessor of The Hills.

DCeiver: Care and I realized from watching that LG commercial that LC and Brody Jenner are the real life A-HOLES that Kristen Wiig and Jason Sudeikis play.

Blogs t r e t c h: Ha! That's perfect. Did you see Avent's blog today about everyone knowing someone on reality tv?

DCeiver: No. He's right. My brother's friend was on Hell's Kitchen!

Blogs t r e t c h: This has got to be causing some deep psychological damage. Lauren Conrad's personality is going to split down the middle in a big way. When you're acting your way through your own life? The character you play is you? That's got to be deeply damaging.

DCeiver: Oh, yeah. I don't understand what's going to happen to those people when the country gets bored. I mean, imagine having your life cancelled by America! I worry all the time that I've hit my peak. Imagine having it proved to you with math!

Blogs t r e t c h: Exactly!! But I also feel like for some reason, these quasi-celebrities, the Parises and Spencers & Heidies, aren't going anywhere! And I don't understand! We've built a celebrity support infrastructure that allows these people to remain in the cultural consciousness for no good reason!

DCeiver: I felt bad for David Letterman having to interview Spencer. I mean, my heart hurt. This is David Letterman, comedy legend!

Blogs t r e t c h: God, yes.

DCeiver: Nothing's more pathetic than those Road Rules alums that participate in those obstacle/endurance contests. I mean, that shit is sad.

Blogs t r e t c h: See, exactly. Another perfect example. They made a decision tantamount to tattooing a butterfly at the base of your back when they were 20 and are riding it into alcoholic permanence. I think that if we can show the societal wherewithal to help these people get the fuck off of television, we can get out of Iraq. Only then will it be possible.

DCeiver: We will have defeated the evildoers. We should cut a PSA. "Won't you help? Won't you take Coral to a fucking temp agency? For just fifty cents a day, you can teach Brody Jenner to spell, maybe. You know, at least learn to use a fork."

Blogs t r e t c h: When people look back at this era, they're going to see how deeply damaging W's presidency was. We didn't even have the strength to come up with art that fought the system. We just gave in to bright colors and people making out. Man, I shouldn't leave the TV on when I nap anymore. Apparently I wake up full of ire.

DCeiver: You are our New Rock Church of Ire.

Blogs t r e t c h: The high priestess of pissing in your Wheaties.

DCeiver: Certainly the tall priestess.

Blogs t r e t c h: I'm gonna go like...bake, and read some fiction.

DCeiver: All right. You know me, I'll probably blog this, and defeat the whole purpose of this conversation.

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