Friday, June 13, 2008

Triskaidekapocalypse!

Wow. I don't think I've ever been happier to have Fridays off than I am today, because apparently the entire city has up and done shit the bed. Today is making the earlier-in-the-week train derailment look like a cakewalk, at least as cakewalks had been defined in the years before Rumsfeld. Have you read about this craziness today? Shit is straight bonkers, y'all. Based upon the news today, it would seem that Washington, DC is in the throes of the following plagues:



  • fires

  • massive power outages

  • massive Metro fails

  • rabid foxes

  • Senator Tom Coburn

  • ANC 3F04 Commissioner, and asshole, Frank Winstead

  • sad, young, literary foxes (with rabies)

  • lack of commitment to light rail funding

  • ZZZZOOORRRRRNNN!!!

  • Starlings

  • The Montreal Expos

  • The Montreal Expos (with rabies)

  • Cursed frogurt

Sheesh, remember when all we had to worry about was mercury leaks and the occasional sniper? Meanwhile, out there in the rest of the world, the tomatoes have risen up in open rebellion, dolphins are committing suicide, and the last unicorn has returned to warn us that KARA THRACE IS THE HARBINGER OF DEATH Y'ALLS. The next thing you know, someone is going to suggest that the trees are going to start producing fatal, windborne neurotoxins or something!


So, take a minute today, as you pass your fellow citizen on the street, to kiss their asses goodbye, just in case the worst is yet to come. Only don't do that to Catherine A. unless you want to get punched eight times square in the dick.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

to make things more f'ed up the Olsen sisters celebrate a birthday today and they were born on Friday the 13 as well. Also from wikipedia: "According to the Stress Management Center and Phobia Institute (2 hours away!!! road trip!!!) in Asheville, North Carolina, an estimated 17 to 21 million people in the United States are affected by a fear of this day. Some people are so paralyzed by fear that they avoid their normal routines in doing business, taking flights or even getting out of bed. "It's been estimated that [US]$800 or $900 million is lost in business on this day". Despite this, representatives for both Delta and Continental Airlines say that their airlines don't suffer from any noticeable drop in travel on those Fridays."

Z