Thursday, July 10, 2008

Days Of Whine And Wuerffel

Friend and neighbor JG and I spent our evening bus ride home reflecting upon one the dark periods in Washington, DC history - the Steve Spurrier era. Easily the worst coach the Redskins have had in my lifetime. Maybe the worst coach the NFL has seen in my lifetime. Of all of Dan Snyder's ebulliently dumb decisions - and they are legion - none loom so large as the decision to bring the out-of-his-depth "ball coach" to Washington.

The Spurrier offense seemed to be predicated on a set of conditions that were entirely alien to professional football. Blocking packages were rudimentary, there were no blitz reads in the offense, Trung Fucking Canidate was to be our primary rushing option. And the quartbacking was a grim parade of busted ass and incompetence.

JG recalled listening to a sports radio show, to whatever QB (I forget now which one he said it was) break down a play from the previous Sunday, where he described coming to the line of scrimmage, reading the defensive set, and calling "the audible." THE audible! As in, the offense had ONE fracking audible. I believe his recollections, too! Because I can just picture Spurrier in the locker room at halftime admonishing his quarterback, "Dag nab it! I was saving the audible for the third quarter!"

My most distinct memory of the time was an post-game presser after another loss, in which ersatz gunslinger Danny Wuerffel has totally shit the bed. "I don't understand it," Spurrier said, "I've seen Danny play in a lot of games, but I've never seen him make those kinds of mistakes."

I wish I had been there, because I would have said, "Asshole. That's because the last time you ever saw this shitdick play was at the University of Florida, where you never faced a defense that could get within a country mile of him, and he got to use all five of his fucking Mississippis before wildly tossing the ball downfield against a secondary that was usually sucking wind by the end of the first half. But now Danny is playing grown-ass men, and I have seen him play in a lot of games against grown-ass men, and if you had done the same you'd remember him making those kinds of mistakes. Indeed, you'd be aware of Danny Wuerffel's pioneering work in the field of error."

Amanda and I, who enjoy texting each other our hoopla and our angst during Redskins games, have decided that the only way to approach the Redskins this year is to treat the team as if they were a first year expansion team. That way, expectations are managed. I have no idea of Jim Zorn is going to be a good coach or a terrible one. But one thing's for sure: he won't be the worst.

1 comment:

worldpeace said...

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