Monday, July 14, 2008

Murky Responds To Jeff Simmermon

Nick, the manager of Murky Coffee, has taken the time to respond to Jeff Simmermon. And that's too bad, because, as it turns out, Nick is sort of an assbag.

Nick equates the ordering of an iced espresso - a hilariously common drink, one that Murky ITSELF SERVES - except it adds water, know...GLORIOUSLY thin out the flavor of its roast as the LORD OUR GOD intended for MURKY COFFEE! - with a dude who got banned because he kept falling asleep in the shop. Except Kid Narcolepsy was affecting everyone else's experience. How many people in the world were impacted by Simmermon's request for ice? Here's the total figure: Uhm...ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOBODY.

By the way! Murky has now had two opportunities to specifically explain why they have a no-iced-espresso-policy (and there is an okay reason for having one! it involves chemistry and stuff!) and have, on both occasions, passed on actually making an attempt to breed an informed customer, choosing to instead couch their policy in the most pretentious terms possible. Does Mr. Simmermon not deserve to know something about espresso, or does no one at Murky actually know? I'm going to go with the latter, for the time being.

Anyway, evenbtually, he tells Simmermon that he'll punch him in the dick if he sees him again. I'm going to have to say that if that happened, I'd recommend that some sort of posse chuck the SOB in a trashcan and roll his dumb ass up and down Wilson Boulevard. TO THE DELIGHT OF CHILDREN OF COURSE. But that's not going to happen because Nick is a pussy coffee shop owner who Boing Boing and Metafilter made cry. know what happens when idiot coffee shop owner responds to perfectly legit gripe with the threat of crotch harm? BOING BOING AND METAFILTER FIND OUT ABOUT IT DUMBASS! And then who's "overplayed their hand?"

Anyway, Nick is both a muncus and a fungdark. And a dumbass! And if you're in Arlington, and don't want your coffee filtered through a douchebag, head to Java Shack (whose coffee is better anyway!).


IMGoph said...

please, please. stop. i am laughing so hard i can't suck down a decent breath.

Anonymous said...

It's not often we agree on anything (no offense, just vastly different points of view), but this shit has me laughing uproariously. Any possible inclination I may have ever had to patronize Murky has been completely obliterated. What a bunch of asshats...

PK said...

yeah. wow. Catching up on this, it's frankly normally the kind of thing that I'd side with the business on (they have a right to say what they do and don't serve, and if they think it affects the quality of their products, then they SHOULD refuse to do certain things)... but there does not appear to be a single person in this story that isn't an asshole! I used to spend a lot of time at Murky, and I could have told you that the baristas (and the owner) are pretentious, but hey, the coffee and espresso are really really good. I'm not there for the company.

(BTW, is anyone else thinking "Soup Nazi"?)

Anonymous said...

I'll pass on Murky for the time being... but sadly I can make no promises once the $5 hot chocolate is back on the menu. Sweet fancy Moses, that is a good cup of something.

Anonymous said...


(takes breath)