Tuesday, September 02, 2008

The Audacity Of Dopes: Airwolf

You know, I had thought of Sarah Palin as a sort of dark horse candidate for Veep a while ago, but I'm now immediately struck by just how dark a dark horse can look when you get it into the light of day. Yeesh. This woman is a horrorshow. An epic horrorshow. And it says something about the state of the nation that even after all the calamity that has followed this pick, it still may not cost McCain anything.

Nevertheless, it's funny how once you start delving into a complete stranger's life the way you suddenly find out a whole lot about an ancillary topic. In this case, aerial wolf hunting. Palin's a big fan of aerial wolf hunting. What is aerial wolf hunting? Basically, you get a bunch of guns, board a plane, find a wolf, and then chase the wolf with your plane until the wolf is dead on its feet from exhaustion. Then you land your plane and shoot the wolf.

Now, look. I know that mankind is locked in an epic battle with nature and, like many of you, I hope I live to see the day when we destroy nature once and for all. But there's something about aerial wolf hunting that just doesn't strike me as very sporting. I think it's the whole part where you chase the wolves hither and yon across the tundra in a goddamned airplane.

Really, is this even technically hunting? I mean, I could go in for some aerial wolf taunting, maybe, where you chase the wolf around in your plane, tire him out, land, and then get out and say things like, "SUCK IT WOLF! Now you know what the FUCKING SCORE IS!" Then you get back on the plane and get wasted on mini bottles of cinnamon schnapps or something.

But there's nothing about aerial wolf hunting that seems akin to the manly pastime of hunting that gun-toting Republicans like to extol. And this weird sort of wussy-ass hunting seems to be consistent with the GOP. Remember, Dick Cheney doesn't actually hunt quail, he hunts heavily sedated, incompetent quail in a practice called "canned hunting." Again, this does not seem to be true hunting. It feels sort of like cheating.

Don't get me wrong: I actually have great fear and respect for Cheney as a hunter because he also likes to shoot Republican lawyers in the face. Why they haven't set up a game preserve so that all of us can enjoy this pursuit is beyond me.

22 comments:

CheckyPantz said...

Remind me to call you the next time I'm planning some recreational travel.

barot said...

I've been wondering when Sarah "Harriet Miers" Palin's record would stop looking worse and worse. The time has not yet arrived.

In favor. Of chasing wolves. With airplanes. Until they're tired. And then shooting them.

*boggles*

Aaron said...

Fantastic.

Anonymous said...

Another way is to chase the wolf around with the airplane and then when it is exhausted drop a bomb on it

Anonymous said...

She would be great if they uncover something buried in the ice that was not meant to thaw:

In 1982, an American Antarctic research station is alerted by gunfire and explosions. Pursued by a Norwegian helicopter, a Siberian Husky makes its way into the camp as the science station's crew looks on in confusion. Through the reckless use of a thermal charge, the helicopter is destroyed and its pilot killed shortly after landing. The surviving passenger fires at the dog with a rifle, grazing Bennings (Peter Maloney), one of the American researchers. The passenger is subsequently shot and killed by Garry (Donald Moffat), the station commander. Not knowing what to make of the incident, the station crew adopts the dog.

John Carpenter's The Thing from 1982.

Kurt said...

This. Is. Beautiful!

Anonymous said...

Sure, she's a terrible candidate, but I agree with Lakoff's analysis that the choice has led to some reframing of the coverage in ways that help the GOP.

Roojiman said...

It's bad enough she kills caribou!

stopthemadness said...

"Now, look. I know that mankind is locked in an epic battle with nature and, like many of you, I hope I live to see the day when we destroy nature once and for all. "

classic!

Erin said...

Talin definitely does NOT wear a wolf shirt

ALittleGuitar said...

Caribou Barbie!

Southern Sage said...

I'm with Kurt, she is absolutely stunning. And she hunts? The American dream for sure.

Anonymous said...

Palin approved wolf hunting of this type in 2007 for purposes of population protection (protection of the moose/caribou population) not for sport. There is a federal law prohibiting this type of hunting for sport--it is only allowed for predator control.

trudy said...

It is well documented that one of the major causes of the decline of both caribou and moose populations is climate change, not wolves!!
It's a lot easier to blame the wolves than the true culprit... our bottomless thirst for oil.
Check out the facts http://sports.espn.go.com/outdoors/general/news/story?id=2368926

Anonymous said...

Hey Anonymous 1 if it is against Federal law to hunt wolves this way, why is it ok to allow joe hunter and other non-state employees to come along for the kill? After they're shot, they hack off the wolf's front paw.

Anonymous said...

I was in Wasilla this past July and stopped in the Sportsmens Warehouse (sporting goods store). There were many hunting trophies mounted on the walls, and I was appalled to see that there is a GIRAFFE among them! A giraffe head and it's 20 feet of neck! I wondered at the time, who the heck hunts giraffes? It can't be any more sporting than hunting cows. But that was in July. I now know of the infamous Sara Palin and her sense of sportsmanship. I'm guessing that giraffe trophy is hers, probably hunted down at the local zoo and shot from the safety of a hovering helicopter.

kwayera said...

Hilariously, aerial wolf hunting is legal only for "population control". The funny thing about that is that left alone, wolves regulate their own populations: that is what you get when you have a pack structure with a single breeding pair.

If you hunt wolves in the drawn-out and traumatic way as they do in aerial hunts, you kill "randomly" and break up the pack structure. Once that happens, there is no dominant pair, and most of the females will breed in an attempt to become dominant. Which means you get more wolves!

This is almost as disgusting as the "scientific" whale hunt.

Anonymous said...

The damned thing of it is, wolves live mostly on mice and rodents. They rarely take out moose or caribou and only when it's sick and needs to be weeded out. The truth about wolves and the truth about Palin is what everyone needs to hear.

Anonymous said...

The damned thing of it is, wolves live mostly on mice and rodents. They rarely take out moose or caribou and only when it's sick and needs to be weeded out. The truth about wolves and the truth about Palin is what everyone needs to hear.

Anonymous said...

This with the shooting of wolves from airplanes is SO unsportsman-like as to be mind boggling. The loophole in the federal law is so big you can fly an Airbus A380 through it.

Now that the nomination of Sarah Palin made this practice a national issue, maybe the federal law will be re-coded to plug that giant loophole and ground these idiots for good.

Wolfman said...

Not to be confused with AIRWOLF, the helicopter show, Palin has been called AIRMILF. You can go shooting with her by following the link.

Anonymous said...

I love this post!
I love Sarah's reasoning behind it..."We are killing the wolves to keep the moose and caribou population up........so we can hunt them for ourselves"