Tuesday, September 16, 2008

A Letter To A Young Pyggie.

Well, hello and good day, young spawn of Nabob and Governess. Hope you are doing well! As someone who thought that your parents, at various points in their lives, might be undone by the sinister machinations of their incompetent seeming dog, I greet your birth as the news that your nascent family has successfully surmounted most or all of the challenges that bedeviled them, save perhaps the fucking mockingbirds, who will live to sing a mocking trill at the end of this, our civilization.

And what a time to be alive! Jim Zorn is coaching the Redskins, it seems, a thought I kept so near to unlikely for most of my life that I'm a little bit surprised John Zorn hasn't yet been tapped. He has some zone blitz schemes that might be of interest, from what I hear. We are currently in the midst of the most scintillatingly stupid election of our lifetimes, so trust me when I say there's no rush to get a handle on object permanence or anything. And, as of this morning, the world's financial markets are doing their best imitation of a J.J. Abrams show - an event that is best explained in the following song:

Here at the DCeiver, this is sort of the first birth announcement we've ever done. We're totally short-shrifting any number of other, equally deserving babies, many of whom you may be fortunate enough to grow up to know, perhaps carnally. But your parents are unique in many ways, not the least of which is the likelihood that you were conceived as a part of some well-plotted bit of comic book themed cosplay. I hope that this isn't the way you find out about that, by the way! There was a writer's strike going on at the time. We were all sort of making due.

At any rate, I think you are in pretty good hands, actually! At least until you get to school, which these days strikes me as complete shithouse across every single demographic and dimension. As you grow old, you'll no doubt go through yr period of youthful rebellion, but I hope that you will always retain yr parents generosity of spirit, their ability to wring from the grim details of existence a uniquely hilarious account of the world around them, and their fulsome appreciation for fringe foodstuffs. If you must reject a worldview as a means of securing your own identity, let it be the dog, or the mockingbirds. That is all. Good luck.

PS. Hope you like movies about dragons eating helicopters!


the g said...

thanks, Uncle Internet!!!!!!!

lil' squealer

the g said...

thanks for the hearty welcome, Uncle Internet.