Tuesday, September 02, 2008

So, Yeah, The DNC.

Right. So, I've lately been in Denver, Colorado, experiencing that panoply of American politics known as the Democratic National Convention. To briefly summarize, the DNC was a series of epic walks, in boiling heat, followed by long waits at ever shifting security perimeters, accompanied by various lanyards, containing credentials that basically afforded me the privilege of watching teevee in a tent with a port-a-loo outside. Bet you are jealous now!

Also, there was a big speech at the stadium where the Denver Broncos play, which was preceded by an even longer walk in a line of people that could be seen from space. Standing there, I had this conversation:

FELLOW QUEUER: Oh, look out everybody. It's a member of the press.

ME: Ha. No worries. All of this is off the record.

FQ: What are you doing standing in this line?

ME: Well, you know, where I work, we believe it's important to walk with the people.

VARIOUS: All right! That's the spirit.

ME: Thanks, y'all. But seriously, as soon as someone in authority tells me I can get out of this line I plan on leaving you all behind just as quickly as possible.

There were other activities to break up the monotony. Like panel discussions! With bloggers! And I met Fred Armisen, which was pretty cool. And I drank a lot of Pomegranate juice. Plus there was waiting for cabs to take us into Helm's Deep, for the convention. And my hotel was right around the corner from the one where they busted the meth-heads who wanted to assassinate Obama.

Also, I ate at something called "the CNN Grill," which is probably precisely the shitshow you right now imagine it to be.

There were also parties, which I avoided like plague. Really. Someone asked me, "Are you going to the Politico party?" And try as I may, there was simply nothing in my upbringing or education that could have provided me with a plausible answer to that question. I believe I responded, "Is that something one does?"

I did go to some parties, most notably the Planned Parenthood party, which was filled with enough awful, hideous people to let me know that Planned Parenthood needs to start doing a much better job. Luckily, the big draw that night was the chance to spend an evening out with Jezebel's Megan Carpentier, which turned out to be an experience that far surpassed my high expectations. Everyone should get the chance to partner up with Megan for a night out in a strange and bewildering city. After that, the most fun I had was with Ana Marie at the bar of the Brown Palace Hotel, and I'd like to extend some warm thanks to Hillary Clinton for picking up the tab on that one.

Also, I had Rocky Mountain oysters, which were delicious. And I met Senator Claire McCaskill. The two events were actually unrelated.

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