Saturday, October 25, 2008

The Audacity of Dopes: B Is For Bunk

When I started getting news about this McCain volunteer, Ashley Todd, getting mugged and cut up by some anti-McCain lunatic, I didn't want to jump to any conclusions - less than two weeks before the election, everything going the right time to risk playing with fire. But I sort of thought that I could take a couple of small steps, and there, conclusions would be found - namely, that Todd was a crazy hose-beast liar. This sort of goes without saying, but even beyond the backwards-B carved on her cheek, bitch was pretty damn stupid.

  • Dig the description of the perp: "...dark-skinned black man, 6 feet 4 inches tall, 200 pounds with a medium build, short black hair and brown eyes. The man was wearing dark colored jeans, a black undershirt and black shoes." I mean: that's like DARKNESS, wrapped in BLACKNESS, smothered in NEGRO SAUCE. It's like she was mugged by "STARRING WESLEY SNIPES as BLADE" or something.
  • I love how her carefully established narrative on Twitter made her story less plausible. "I am looking for at ATM." "Wow: I am on the wrong side of town!" NO ONE'S TWITTERS ARE THIS QUOTIDIAN. Not even Julia Allisons! And I get like, 300 of those a day!
  • She's part of some group of young Republicans who are all on Twitter. So, can guess how much discussion there was about this GAME CHANGING INCIDENT? None, actually! In short, all her friends thought she was a big old liar.
  • What transpires that makes the mugger aware of Todd's McCain preference, anyway? She said it had to do with a bumper sticker on her car. What led the mugger to notice the bumper sticker in the first place? Am I to believe that the guy turned back and asked if it were her car? That they had a conversation and came to an understanding? "Let me be clear, I support John McCain!"
  • Really, the whole idea of a mugger-slash-activist is a bit...beyond. I mean, he's making off with the scrilla, and then stops to add a handful of additional, intensely time-consuming felonies on top of it? Talking Criminals exist only in the movies.

Spencer has got the deep comparison between Todd and the events depicted in Season Five of The Wire, comparing Todd to McNulty in episode two. Noting that the Pittsburgh cops threatened her with a lie-detector test, I'd draw a shallow comparison myself to one episode earlier, and suggest that the Pittsburgh cops probably only threatened her with a photo copier. ASHLEY TODD IS PRECISELY THAT STUPID.

By the way, Netroots Nation 2009 is going to be in Pittsburgh. Man, we are gonna have some fun with this shit then.

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