Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Bad Day For Butt Banditry

Via Doree Shafrir. So, apparently, it was a very bad day for Tom Larvie, who was arrested today on charges stemming from a raft of activity that won Larvie the nickname "Nebraska's Butt Bandit." His crimes are not what you think they are:

Larvie is suspected of leaving greasy, graphic imprints of his naked behind, and sometimes his groin, on the windows of stores, churches and schools in Valentine since the spring of 2007.

The marks were made with lotion or petroleum jelly.
Perhaps this is a minor quibble, but this doesn't seem much like BANDITRY to me. Bandits steal, or rob people on the highway, or, at the very least, operate machines without permits. Larvie wasn't exactly stealing anything. Sounds to me like he was making his opinion of various institutions known. "Butt Vandal" I could maybe accept, though that would sort of imply that he was running around, wrecking some ass, and, like I said at the outset, his crimes are not what you think they are.

I guess my bigger problem is the fact that he's credited with being NEBRASKA'S Butt Bandit, when really, his whole scope of operations seemed restricted to the city of Valentine - a tiny burg in Northwest Nebraska with a population of about 3,000 people. I have to imagine that there are people right now, in Lincoln - or in the general Omaha-Council Bluffs vicinity, who could lay claim to being the state's great ass-and-taint-presser-on-windows. At least I hope there are. I guess what I'm saying is that Nebraska could really stand to get out more.

Kudos to the AP for really nailing down this story.

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