Not long ago, we brought you news that MillerCoors had discontinued the manufacture of Sparks, a drink for "art-damaged, ambisexual urban poverty tourists" for whom no night out is complete without the assurance that they'd get that cool, refreshing taste of "jizz vapor" in their mouths. The end of Sparks was no doubt very sad for many people! But good news! According to BoingBoing, Lollyphile is now manufacturing absinthe lollipops! This means that DC residents will still be able to recognize area douchebags on sight, only now one can beat them repeatedly in the face without the risk of getting their awful spunkwash beverage spilled on you.