Monday, June 01, 2009

Black Belt

So my favorite story of the day is the one reported on by Dave Weigel, and it goes a little something like this:

For years, conservative writer and activist Marcus Epstein has worked with the mainstream of the immigration restrictionist movement. He wrote speeches for former Rep. Tom Tancredo (R-Colo.) during his presidential bid, and he’s still working as the executive director of Tancredo’s Team America PAC, alongside Bay Buchanan. Epstein has been targeted for years by civil rights groups like the Southern Poverty Law Center and the One People’s Project, who have obtained Epstein’s guilty plea to a hate crime he committed two years ago.

From the U.S. Attorney’s factual proffer:

On July 7, 2007, at approximately 7:15 p.m. at Jefferson and M Street, Northwest, in Washington, D.C., defendant was walking down the street making offensive remarks when he encountered the complainant, Ms. [REDACTED], who is African-American. The defendant uttered, “Nigger,” as he delivered a karate chop to Ms. [REDACTED]’s head.

Jesus. I love the casualness of the description. Yeah, he was just cold walkin' down the street, you know, JUST MAKING OFFENSIVE REMARKS AND WHAT NOT, and the motherfucker thought, "Word, I'm going to self-actualize, here, and straight up KARATE CHOP A WOMAN, and what not." BECAUSE SATURDAY NIGHTS ALRIGHT FOR KARATE CHOPPING PEOPLE. Nutlog! Apparently, Bay Buchanan was all, "THIS WAS TWO WHOLE YEARS AGO!" Right! Marcus Fuckjam Epstein hadn't yet reached the Age of Reason, which, for Tancredo supporters, is probably somewhere around 62 years old or something.

Anyway, Bay Buchanan suggested that the Young Master Shaolin Kung-Fu Epstein was going to put this all behind him next year, at the University of Virginia Law School. I'm pleased to report that QUICKLY CAME THE KIBOSH.

Jason Wu Trujillo, UVA's Dean of Admissions and Financial Aid, now says Epstein will not enroll this fall, or ever.
What can I say? A lot has changed at UVa. Why, time was your average racist dickpootle not only was able to find a home at UVa. Law, they'd let you quarterback the football team as well!

Anyway, whatever, now Epstein will have to go get his law degree from Regent College, like Monica Goodling and all those other fakety fake McFake lawyers, the end.

1 comment:

BadTux said...

Oooh! Snarky! I like snarky :). Methinks, personally, that Dave Weigel's pointy hat is cutting off the flow of blood to his brain, or maybe it's just too much late-night capering in the woods while wearing a bedsheet and he's just tired. Karate chop. Wow!

- Badtux the Snarky Penguin