Wednesday, August 19, 2009

If "The Velvet Hammer" Is A Dance Move, I Am SO Watching Dancing With The Stars This Season

As you may have heard, former Republican House Majority Leader Tom Delay is going to compete on the upcoming season of Dancing With The Stars. Having never seen the show, I can't properly assess Delay's prospects. Obviously, if gerrymandering is essential to winning this show, Delay should fare well. However, if the grand prize is a big bowl of cocaine, he will almost certainly lose to fellow Texan and former Dallas Cowboy wide receiver Michael Irvin. Or none of this will happen!

Delay's former communications director, Emily Miller, is nonetheless bullish on her former boss's chances, and yesterday, she made some bold predictions, telling MSNBC's Carlos Watson that Delay is "taking it very seriously":

MILLER: He's going to go far. He is no longer "The Hammer." He's going to be the Velvet Hammer. He's going to be two-stepping his way across America. And I predict he will go far. I don't know if he's going to go all the way to the finals, but he's definitely going to go farther than Tucker Carlson.

The Velvet Hammer? Right away I'm thinking, "Oh, my. That is going to infringe on so many pornographers' copyrights." But just a few minutes later, Andy Levy of Fox News' Red Eye tipped me to this entry in the Urban Dictionary.

Yeah. I'd say that's definitely going a LOT farther than Tucker Carlson.

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