Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Damn Near Make Your Shit Look Soft Like Pam Grier

Here's Tim Geithner, in China, taking some motherfuckers to the rack with the impressive array of basketball skills that have some people calling him the Mike Penberthy of Treasury Secretaries. Geithner got his game on at Beijing's Renmin University High School, where it is said that he "made at least two baskets." Hopefully, he had placed several large bets in U.S. Treasury Securities.

End Of An Era

My friend Sommer Mathis was the last editor I worked under at DCist, and, after a long and virtuous campaign there, is leaving. She departs having left a legacy of milkshakes and steady Quantcast growth in terms of page views over the past two years. She was enormous fun to work with, and I'll always be thankful for her frankly bizarre decision to let me guest edit the site on what would turn out to be my final day at DCist.

Sommer flies now to the Albrittony local venture TBD. Yes, that is what they are calling it, but in fairness, it is 2010 and we have all but run out of names for websites. Gothamist is searching for a new editor, so maybe that's something you'd like to do with your life? I'd recommend it.

That said, it really feels like the time is right for the reign of Monkeyrotica to begin.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Up In The Air

Ladies and gentlemen, if your book is not made of paper, please put it down now.”
Man, this must annoy Kindle users to no end. My understanding of the technology involved -- and feel free to correct me if I'm wrong -- is that if you aren't actually using the whispernet or whatever it's called to download a book, the Kindle isn't doing anything more than a digital watch, or an actual book made of paper, to fuck with whatever the plane doesn't want to have fucked.

Ahh, but you try explaining this to a flight attendant.

Everyone Hates Finales

In what had been billed as "the greatest story ever told," the series finale of the hit show, The Gospel of Jesus Christ aired this evening amid much hype and acclaim. But while early signs point to the conclusion being accepted by the larger audience as a successful conclusion to a story rich with mystery and dense plotting, there are critics who call the ending "contrived," even a cop out.

"I don't envy the task the writers set up for themselves. Bringing such a beloved story to its end couldn't have been easy," said _______________. "They staged an absolutely wonderful, sorrowful death scene, suffused with meaning. I was honestly moved. But from there, they just seemed to tack on a lot of unnecessary plot. I'm afraid I just didn't get the whole resurrection scene. Seemed like a cop-out, to bring the guy back to life like that. And for what? To send his apostles out into the world to teach His word? If those guys needed additional prompting after all they'd been through together, what was the point of it all.

"And then," he continued, "after bringing the guy back from the dead, they just sort of shuffled Him off to the afterlife again, anyway, right? Man, dead or alive, just pick one! It just got exhausting."

Too many hands on the plot may have played a part in the story's indecisiveness. Press accounts throughout the show's last season reveal that while the program's four main showrunners had similar visions of how the story would end, each had a distinct take that may not have been ultimately reconciled. (There are plans to reveal each alternate take as bonus materials on a forthcoming DVD box set.)

It wasn't just the odd ending that left critics feeling cool to the finale. "So many unanswered questions," exclaimed ______________. "The betrayer character was dealt with rather harshly, but could it not be said that the ending would not have happened without him acting the way he did? And I don't really understand the whole 'dying for the sins of mankind' thing. Was this a one-time, world-wide sin mulligan? Did it apply to all future sins from the human race? You have to imagine that in this world they created, a lot of people would just walk around, thinking that they were saved, while others may believe that they have to work for their salvation. It was just really ambiguous."

"To be honest," he continued, "There's something that troubles me even more. I'm sure this wasn't the author's intention, but at the end of the day, I worry that a lot of people are going to just see Jewish people as the bad guys." He sighed, adding, "I hope not. But people just tend to oversimplify."

The network plans to run the Dancing With The Stars results show in the same timeslot next fall.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

(That Said, British Petroleum Can Totally Eat A Bag Of Dicks.)

You know, when the day comes that they finally figure out how to plug that leak in the ocean that all the oil is coming out of (and maybe Jack Shephard will do that, too, with a rock!), I bet half the internet will be all, "Well, that ending sure wasn't satisfying! What about all the unanswered questions? Etc."

BUT WHY HAVEN'T THEY TRIED THAT WHOLE "I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE" TRICK, HUH?

(Tony Soprano died, okay? He's never coming back.)

Oh, yeah.

Been a while, I know. Hello.

The Pompatus of LOST

It's funny, when this last season of LOST began, I was certain about what I wanted from it. VERY certain. So much so, that for the better part of this year, I'd have told you that if they ended the show the way they finally decided to end it tonight, I would have declared it a failure.

But by the end of the episode entitled "The Candidate," I just found that I really wanted something entirely different from the show. I had completely changed my mind. I just stopped being bothered by all the things that I worried about, five episodes into this season. I would be all, "How will they explain this? And that?" And my wife would just say, "I have a feeling you'll just need to let that go."

I trust you'll see why that is so funny!

Anyway, well done, LOST. Now, let's see what else is on.